Watchdog Week 4 - the A-Team

Did I say "mediocre" last week?  Over the first three weeks of the season, the average score for a team in our league was just over 83 points.  This week it was just under 92 points.  Two teams scored 91 and lost, another scored 92 and won.  Overall, 5 of the 7 winning teams were north of 104 points.  So if you didn't bring your A-Team, you might as well have stayed home.  If that sounds like an excuse to compare our league to horrible 80s action TV, well, you've probably read this blog too long.

One of three undefeated teams remaining, Semi-P, leading in the Wilt Scoring Race, is starting to look a lot like Colonel Hannibal Smith, the brains behind the organization, the man with the plan.  This week their plan included having every starter score double-digits, however as with the A-Team, something always gets screwed up, but they escape with a win anyway.  In this case, it was Dallas D not realizing that this was Jay Cutler they were facing and coming up with a mere 4 points.  They needed the other 7 including an Aaron Rodgers-like performance from Matty Ice as any other opponent this week might have had Marques Colston, Freddy Jackson or Brent Celek in the lineup (or Greg Zuerlein Steak), any two of which would have been enough for Natural Disaster to even their record at 2-2.  With Brees and 49ers D both going off (62 of ND's 91 points), things could have been pretty interesting, but as with the A-Team, it seems like we've seen this episode before.

McGyver was of course renowned for things like building himself a laser with crystals, a ruby and a mirrored bowl.  The Wombats have once again built a winning team with guys like Alfred Morris, Eric Decker and Tony Romo.  And we have a Chris Johnson sighting this week!  Was he waiting for the Watchdog to dump on him?  Anyway, I in I/R was this week's fodder, despite getting a throwback game from Peyton (338 yards and 3 TD).  I/R dumped nearly half their bench on waivers this week.  Given that only 2 of the 8 scored even one point, one wonders if McGyver would approve?  As he once said when asked if he could build a bomb out of chewing gum - "why, do you have some?" 

For the team and guy who always seem to fall bass-ackwards into the most desirable spot to be in, there can be only one pairing - Team Gump is Magnum PI.  Is Cam Newton too soft to win?  Michael Turner too old at 30 (not to mention the miles)?  David Akers misses 47 field goals?  Three of their starters total 3 points?  No problem, we'll just win by 40.  This time, like Higgins, it was Dunder Mifflin's appointed job to try to reign in all this debauchery.  But with the British accent (Hillerman is actually from Texas) - aka Matthew "If He Can Stay Healthy" Stafford, Andre "Ooh my groin" Johnson and Vernon "Air" Davis, this was a losing battle this week again.  How does Gump do it???

If you're a little younger than me and you're looking back at the 80s and wondering "did they really make a TV show about David Hasselhoff driving a talking car?"  Well, yes, indeed they did.  Did Team Brokerage just put up 105 points with Harvard Fitzgerald at QB and bench Michael Vick (and come out ahead 20 points in the transaction)?  Yes, indeed he did.  In fact, you could make the argument that, having kept the Sprockets off the win column by only 14, that this move is the single best coaching move of the season to date.  Now, you could also make the argument that having DeSean Jackson (15), Danny Amendola (11), Greg Olson (14) and Jackie Battle (19) on the bench over Matthews (8), Harvin (9) and Gates (5) would put them back into the running for the Ditka Cup.  And I believe I just did.  Nevertheless, it's nice to see the Sprockets continue to plug away, picking up Scott Chandler (18 points off waivers) and Devon Bess (12 more) and finally getting a Rodgers-worthy performance out of GB QB with 319 yards and 4 TDs.

Speaking of hard-to-believe 80s TV, yes there actually was a show called "Manimal" about Jayna from the Wonder Twins, who could turn into any animal she wanted to and of course used her power to help solve crimes.  What?  It was a live-action TV Crime drama show about a man who could turn into other mammals, but somehow also a falcon?  Hard to believe, but it lasted a full 8 episodes way back in 1983.  Also hard to believe that the Fatties are 4-0 and yet will almost certainly somehow find a way to miss the playoffs for the 82nd straight season.  How?  They will have to really work at it this year.  More games against the Camel Jockeys would make that difficult.  You know it's not your year when the Chargers are 3-1 but Rivers is the 22nd ranked fantasy QB, when McFadden is healthy but the 22nd ranked fantasy RB and the Eagles are 3-1 and in first place and sporting the 23rd ranked fantasy defense. 

Which brings us to Pep & Cheez, the team with the lowest score this week to win a game.  To them goes the honor of the action TV show with hands-down the best theme song.  Fortunately, a mere 43 episodes were created before the show was mercifully cancelled.  Aside from the themesong, or maybe including it, the best thing this show brought us was the Seinfeld episode where George is screening his calls singing "Believe it or not, George isn't at home, please leave a message at the beep..."  Like the show, Pep & Cheez's week was rather disappointing, with a mere 88 points, led by the revitalized Jamaal Charles, and like the themesong, P&C hopes that the 2 straight wins is indicative of a team whose super power is the ability to infest itself into your brain (much like "Co-Stanza").  It is Dale's Doormats who fall victim to the suit (or the song), dropping to 1-3 despite maintaining the second most points in the league.  No coaching blunders to mention, strangely enough, but as a GM, half their bench put up goose eggs this week while GB K and GB D combined for 6 points and hold fast at 20th and 27th in the league irrespectively.  Given that they don't carry a backup at either position, how long will Coach Dale stick with his beloved Pack if they continue to stink this badly?

The Turd improved to 4-0 behind the brilliant idea of pairing Heather Locklear with James T. Kirk in a police show.  Really there was nothing remotely memorable about the show aside from that one big idea.  The downside of the idea is - well, it's really hard to make the most of Heather's assets in a police uniform.  The Turd had one big idea and it included trading Drew Brees and Marques Colston for a back-up running back and an injured WR.  Let's hope the Turd's season is a bit more memorable than TJ!  They did have enough this week to win the battle of the (previously) unbeatens against the Red Bandits.  Did anyone else stay up for the end of Eagles-Giants game?  They flashed the stat that LeSean McCoy averages 9.5 yards per carry against the Giants in the fourth quarter of his now 7 games against them.  What the heck?!?!  How is the possible?  Why can't the Giants stop him?  And why do the Eagles not just hand him the ball all day long?  Anyway, McCoy had like 5 yards in the first half and finished with 123 thanks to the 4th quarter phenomenon.  But it wasn't enough and the Turd, for this week anyway, are happy to have Andy Doolin' Dalton, Bush and Forte, McGaheehee and Nicks, Jackson and Moore.  It's a deep team, but no longer a scary one.