Watchdog Week 8 - A Manning Among Boys

You know, people are always asking me, Watchdog, where do you get your ideas for themes every week.  Well it's Rolling Stone of course.  No, sorry.  They just come to me.  Except for this week.  So this week will be random thoughts and stupid statistics. 

How good is Peyton Manning this year?  He is on a pace for over 5800 yards and 58 TDs, both NFL records.  He is in fact taking the rest of us to shcool (or is that - shhh - he's cool!).  Fantasy-wise, he has scored 82 points more than Drew Brees, the #2 best fantasy QB, through 8 weeks.  How good are the Mad Dogs?  If you substitute say Tony Romo for Manning, their total points goes from #1 in the league to the league average.  So if you're looking for a dominant team, Fred Jackson, Stevan Ridley, AJ Green, Eric Decker, Greg Olsen, Nick Folk and Carolina D, with no bench to speak of other than Boykin and Cobb.  Put another way, Manning has over 37% of the 4Ms' league-leading 776 points on the season. The Mad Dogs are just 5-3 though and heading into Manning's bye week this week.  What team gets the benefit of playing the Mad Dogs when Peyton is on his bye?  That would be the Hundering Turd.  Who is the Turd's QB?  That would be Brees.

I have opined in the past that Drew Brees will cover for a multitude of sins, but even Brees couldn't cover for the effort the Turd put up this week.  The Turd, on the season, has gotten 32.5% of their points from Brees, but a less impressive 32.5% as the Turd have scored a mere 649 on the season, 23.5 points below the league average.  In week 8, Brees accounted for 42 of the Turd's 59 points, with Coach Ingrey not getting the memo that Spiller and James Jones were both late scratches.  MJD's 11 points would have gotten them close and Lance Moore's 9 would have gotten them a 79-78 win over the Steel Trojans.  Strangely for the Turd, Giovanni Bernardo got only 18 yards rushing in the Bengals' blow-out of the Jets.  Will the Turd make a move for one of the top backs languishing on bad fantasy teams?  At 5-3 and tied for the division lead in the Quakes division, it might make sense to bring in some more players. 

How good is Calvin Johnson?  Above is Calvin Johnson / Spiderman delivering pizza for Natural Disaster.  As you no doubt are aware, he had 329 yards receiving against Dallas on Sunday, when the Cowboys had their best coverage guy on him and often had him double and triple-teamed.  Below is Calvin / Spiderman after the trade.  What did Natural Disaster do to him that he should have gotten 65 of his 120 points on the season in the last two weeks?  The investigation is on-going.  The previous six weeks, playing for ND, he averaged 11 points per game, not counting his no-show against Green Bay. 
This included going for 3 against Minnesota and 2 against Cleveland.  He has 821 yards receiving on the year, with 484 of those coming in the two games since being traded.  For all you Lions and Wombats fans out there:  You're welcome. The Wombats win their fifth straight and improve to 6-2, tied with the Trojans for best record in the league.

One of the most surprising outbursts of the weekend was that of Andy Dalton, who went for 44 against the otherwise top-5 (NFL-wise if not fantasy-wise) Jets D.  That Dalton had put up 32 in back-to-back weeks should not be held against Coach Dale for keeping him on the bench - after all, those games were against Buffalo and Detroit.  Now Cincy QBs have 108 points total in the last 3 weeks.  Do they get the call against Miami this week?  At 4-4 and tied for the 3rd playoff spot in the Quakes, Coach Dale can ill-afford another 65-point effort, this one losing to the putrid Semi-P team.  Also unfortunate for Coach Dale that Chris Ivory followed up his 34 carry, 104 yard game against New England in week 7 with a 6 carry, 11 yard game against Cincy.  If only they had a good RB they could count on!

It was the 6-2 Steel Trojans who eked out a 78-59 win against the Turd, putting up their second straight win despite a mere 13 from Bobby Griffin and zero from Darren Sproles.  ST does have passable depth at RB, with DeAngelo Williams, Joique Bell and Steven Jackson, which will be put to the test this week with Detroit on a bye.  Indeed with the Vacator, Wes Welker, Anquan Boldin and Bell on a bye in week 9, ST will be hard-pressed to come up with a win.  What?  They're playing Natural Disaster this week?  Never mind.  As ND is about to find out, you don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't molest Alligators and you don't stand a chance against the Steel Trojans. 

From the "blind luck" category, who is the luckiest team in the league so far this year?  That would be the Camel Jockeys, in at 4-4 despite losing this week.  They have scored the second-least points on the season, 74.5 points below league average.  They've won games with the following point totals:  84, 82, 75 and 61.  Conversely, Team Gump has lost games while scoring 80, 87 and 109 this year.  Does it make sense for Coach Haas to get some players?  Peyton Hillis has been passable the last couple weeks, but will have to contend with Andre Brown and David Wilson getting healthy soon enough.  Snelling had a run of competency earlier in the year.  Matty Ice we know is talented, but the Falcons are cooked for the year and Julio is out for the year, Roddy has never gotten healthy.  CJ2.0 and Vernon Davis are good.  Jets D has played well on the field, but not produced turnovers or TDs.  But hey, if you're rolling, you roll with it right?  Hoo-ah! 

So what does it look like when Superman loses his powers?  It was TBD who drubbed the Camel Jockeys, putting an end to their three game winning streak.  This they did despite more putrid play from Tom Brady, who, on a points per game basis is now the 31st best QB in our league, ahead of only Jacksonville.  Let that digest for a bit.  TBD would have been 25% better off per week going with Cleveland QBs (who are available, strangely enough!) than Brady.  Nevertheless, with McFadden, Bell, Foster, Josh Gordon, Jimmy Graham and Blair Walsh, TBD can still be dangerous if Brady can find his mojo.  They did improve to 3-5 with the win and are just 1 game out of a playoff spot with 5 to play.

Remember when Chris Farley was the weatherman on the weather channel?  That was awesome.  Team Gump improved to 4-4 with an 84-68 win over Pep and Cheez, weathering Luck's bye week.  Whether or not they can weather Julius Thomas' ankle will depend on whether Jason Witten can provide more consistency.  He's had two games of 18+ and six games of 6 or less, with nothing in between.  Now that Luck has had his bye, would Alex Smith be available for trade?  Coach Fred is taking offers even as we speak!

Has Pep & Cheez been exposed?  They fell to 3-5 on the season and down to 2 out of a playoff spot.  They are as close to league average as any team in the league in terms of both fantasy offense and defense.  Cam Newton has stepped up his game with three 30+ point games in his last 5.  The problem is in the other two games he combined for 30.  Jamal Charles and Steve Johnson were passable this week, but the rest of the gang not so much.  Auction purchase Dwayne Bowe was shut out for the second time this year and has just 38 points on the season, good for just 4.8 points per game, good for 72nd best in the league.  Maybe he'd better introduce himself to Alex Smith?  Put another way, free agent Doug Baldwin has three games with 8 or more and 40 points on the season.  Put yet another way, there are 10 current free agents who are not injured and have more points than Bowe. 

One of my kids' favorite jokes goes like this:  How do you get out of an elephant's stomach?  You run around and around until you're all pooped out.  Which brings us to There Is an I in I/T, which is almost without a doubt the worst team in the league over the first 8 weeks.  They have scored 105.5 points less than the league average.  The only reason they've won three games is they've had the third-least points scored against them so far this year.  If only they could play themselves somehow?  That said, their three wins, they have put up 98, 93 and 89 points, including the 89-67 win this week over Brokerage.  The closest they've come to "unlucky" is losing 85-81 against the 4M Mad Dogs in week 4.  If Kaepernick is ready to start being a QB again, and with alert pickup of Daniel Thomas along with Cecil Shorts and Emanuel Sanders they're not that bad.  But there are no stars on the team if Kaepernick continues to be average (13th best QB).  I don't think any of us former Philip Rivers owners are ready for him to be a legit starting QB again.

It was indeed Team Brokerage who found themselves on the losing end of an I/T beatdown this week, dropping their record to 4-4.  They continue to struggle to find a real QB, going again with Ryan Tannehill over Wacko for Flacco and whoever the Bucs are sending out there.  Could the Cowboys or Packers QBs be pried away from the Wombats?  Would the Fatties trade Tennessee QBs after the Lions' bye this week?  Is anyone paying attention in this league?  Tune in next week, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel! 

One of the unluckiest teams to date has definitely been Semi-P, losing games with 92 and 98 points in the first four weeks of the season.  Coupled with a 124-point outburst in week one, they could've been 3-1 to start the year.  Since then, they've not topped 72 points, so clearly something is amiss in Semi-P-Land.  Let's look closer, shall we?  I knew you would.  OK, their QBs are Pick-Six Manning and Kellen Clemens (???).  Adrian Peterson is fine, but disappointing.  Jordy Nelson is excellent, and Andre Johnson and Alshon Jeffery have been great.  Gronk is healthy.  They have no #2 RB.  Gould and Seattle D are excellent.  Will Manning pick up his play the second half?  The G-men have the WRs to make him playable.  Is a 3 game gap with 5 to play too much to make up?  Given that there are four teams ahead of them and the team holding the last playoff spot is leading the league in points, really they're four back with five to play.  Draft picks anyone?

Watchdog Week 6 - Oh the Horror!

What do the kids say these days?  This year it's all about zombies, last year it was what, vampires?  Guess it's only a matter of time before it comes back to Frankenstein.  Which brings us of course to one of the greatest comedies ever made - Young Frankenstein.  Even the atrocious American Film Institute list of the best 100 comedies ever put it at #13, though putting Some Like It Hot, Tootsie and Dr. Strangelove 1, 2 and 3 immediately puts that list as "suspect at best".  Nevertheless and nonethemore, it remains an excellent and hysterical movie.  As always, let's see what Mel Brooks' best (or second-best?) film ever has to tell us about week six in fantasy football land.

Eyegor: Dr. Frankenstein...
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Fronkensteen."
Eyegor: You're putting me on.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, it's pronounced "Fronkensteen."
Eyegor: Do you also say "Froaderick"?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No... "Frederick."
Eyegor: Well, why isn't it "Froaderick Fronkensteen"?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: It isn't; it's "Frederick Fronkensteen."
Eyegor: I see.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You must be Igor.
[He pronounces it ee-gor]
Eyegor: No, it's pronounced "eye-gor."
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But they told me it was "ee-gor."
Eyegor: Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?

Well, Mr. Fronkensteen may be a rather brilliant doctor and may be able to do something about that hump, but Tom Brady's topped 300 yards just once on the season and has yet to throw for more than 2 TDs in a game.  He was out-played (fantasy-wise) by Terelle Pryor this week and overall on the season (114-105).  In fact, as of today, Brady has more points than the following QBs:  Carson Palmer, Tampa Bay and Jacksonville.  That's it.  They said Brady is a brilliant QB, but were they wrong?  (Or does he just miss his Gronk?)  Either way, TBD is hurting until we figure it out. 

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What knockers.
Inga: Oh, thank you doctor.

Some teams, such as the Fatties, have tremendous natural assets, like Ray Rice, Eddie Lacy, Brandon Marshall and DeSean Jackson.  Putting up a 120-spot on the recently unbeaten Steel Trojans may be a bit unrealistic, like Dr. Frankenstein speaking in fact about the door knockers, not Teri Garr's natural assets.  After all, the Chiefs' D is unlikely to put up 10 sacks and a defensive TD again right?  (Though they do play Oakland again in week 15, not to mention Cleveland, Buffalo and now the suddenly suspect Texans.)

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What a filthy job.
Eyegor: Could be worse.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: How?
Eyegor: Could be raining.

The Wombats improved to 4-2 with a stirring 52-51 victory over I in I/T.  And while it could always be worse (Amendola and Zach Miller did not score, Avant managed 2 and the Colts D got just 2 on Monday Night Football), at least they were smart enough to pass on Ravens QBs.  They did not bring along shovels to bury Tony Romo though, counting on him to torch the Redskins "D" and forgetting rule #1 of fantasy football - play your best players (like Aaron Rodgers).  Strangely, Coach Moose mentioned to me about halfway through the first quarter of the Sunday Night game - "What we need is a nice 45-yard TD from Alfred Morris."  When I pointed out they were 55 yards away from the end zone, he was undeterred.  And when Morris ripped off a 45-yard TD a few minutes later...

Inga: Werewolf!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Igor: There.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What?
Eyegor: There, wolf. There, castle.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?
Eyegor: I thought you wanted to.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don't want to.
Eyegor: [shrugs] Suit yourself. I'm easy.

The Hundering Turd may have the 7th most points in the league, they may be closer to 14th place in the Wilt race than first, but they are the only 5-1 team in the league.  So go ahead and say "neigh" all you want.  Suit yourself, they're easy.  Now, losing Julio and now James Jones in consecutive weeks makes them suddenly vulnerable at WR, but having Brees, Giovani, MJD and Spiller gives them room to Rome. 

Eyegor: Sed-a...
Inga: Sed-a...
Eyegor: Dirty word! He said a dirty word!

"Give him a sed-a-give?"  There is an I in I/T may need a sed-a-give if things continue like this.  with just 157 points through six weeks and watching Trent Richardson "power" his way to a 5-point effort, Coach Eickhorst has a bone to pick with the Watchdog I'm sure, coming up on the losing end of that 52-51 battle.  They benched 49ers QBs in favor of Rivers (lost 8 points in the exchange), played Cecil "take one in the" Shorts instead of Emanuel Sanders (13 points) and Rashard Mendenhall over Kendall Hunter (lost 3 points).  Calm down now Coach!  Quick somebody give him a...

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.

Inga: In other vords: his veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Exactly.
Inga: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That goes without saying.
Inga: Voof.
Eyegor: He's going to be very popular.

Team Brokerage improved to 3-3, pulling out only what was necessary to beat Natural Disaster.  Brokerage left 108 points on the bench, started Blaine Gabbert over three other QBs and were never threatened by ND.  When Nick Novak fell 4 FGs and an extra point short of tying the game on Monday Night, it was all over but the shouting.  Good Lord willing, we won't see Gabbert start another game for any team in this league - ever.

Elizabeth: Oh. Where you going?... Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with the boys to boast and brag. YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Oh... I think I love him.

Dale's Doormats are not yet in a position to brag.  They had, in fact, better keep their mouth shut!  However, continuing to lead in the Wilt race, getting lucky with Nick Foles out-playing Vick and even getting 32 points from Andy Dalton.  Yep, I think I love them!  Now, if DeMarco isn't out too long, or DD actually makes a trade or works the waiver wire...

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Pardon me, boy. Is this the Transylvania station?
Shoe-Shine Boy: Ja, ja. Track 29. Can I give you a shine?

The Mad Dogs, originally the Office or Dunder Mifflin, who somehow changed their name to the Pagano (no "s") before the season, took one on the chin, falling to 3-3, but with the second-most points of any of the many 3-3 teams.  Well, when the Broncos fail to cover the 28-point spread against the Jags, starting Hillman over a healthy Ridley will come back to haunt you.  Seems the Broncs were dis-interested in the game.  That's what happens when you settle for awful puns like this one.  The train ride from New York to Transylvania was pretty funny though. 

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [singing] If you're blue, and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits...
The Monster: 'UTTIN' ON THE 'IIIIITZ.

Truly, the song and dance number with the monster is a work of beauty.  Or horror, depending on how you feel about dance numbers featuring 500 pound gorillas.  The Steel Trojans have dropped two straight after starting 4-0, despite having the second highest score of the week (at least among starting 8s).  In fact, they got beat by so much, you could have played all 16 against the Fatties and it still would have made ST feeling blue.  Time to go where fashion sits and play I/T, and Natural Disaster in two of the next three games.  That'll have 'em singing again in no time!

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, help me with the bags.
Eyegor: [Imitating Groucho Marx] Soitenly. You take the blonde, I'll take the one in the toiben.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I was talking about the luggage.

You know, a guy who was playing with extra baggage this week was Semi-P's Adrian Peterson.  And while I'm sure we all feel for him, I didn't get the impression Peterson knew much about the child, who was living with an ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend, the alleged murderer of the two-year old.  The question I have is, do we really have to make out what an awesome Christian he (Peterson) is?  I gather he has a child living with him now and has at least two others and is unmarried.  Now I read on his Wikipedia page that he had a half-brother murdered on the night before his NFL combine and his father was sentence to 10 years for laundering drug money.  So he's had a hard life.  I get it.  And it does sound like he's just another sinner, same as you and me, trying to do the best he can by God and Holy Jesus.  I just hate it when something bad happens and we only talk about what an awesome guy that person is.  Sometimes (often) it's a lot more complicated than that.  There is no joke here.  I am sorry for the soap box sermon.  Anyway, Semi-P lost their fifth straight but still sits just 2 games out of the playoffs.  Time to start packing their bags?  Not just yet, I think.

The Monster: [picks last petal off a flower and throws it into the well]
Little Girl: Now throw a kiss and say "Bye bye."
The Monster: [throws kiss, waves, and grunts "bye bye"]
Little Girl: Oh dear. Nothing left. What shall we throw in now?

Natural Disaster didn't have a great week, though their 77 points was 7th best this week.  Nevertheless, with the loss to Brokerage, they fall to 1-5, three games out of a playoff spot with 7 to go.  You can point to the sieve-like defense (only Team Gump comes close, the 12th worst Points Against has had 35 points less scored against them) - the average team has had 70 fewer points scored against them over 6 weeks.  Irregardless, it would seem time to start the bi-annual "Kitchen Sink" sale.  Calvin Johnson?  Marshawn Lynch?  Russell Wilson?  Pierre Thomas?  Zac Stacy?  Percy Harvin?  When those guys go, what could we throw in now?

Inga: Hallo. Vould you like to have a roll in ze hay?
[Dr. Frankenstein stutters]
Inga: It's fun.
[She begins to roll in the hay]
Inga: Roll, roll, roll in ze hay.

Pep & Cheez had a roll in ze hay this week, despite starting the wrong QB (Cam Newton exploded for 4 TDs) and getting only 3 points from McGaheehee.  Even with four bench guys putting up zeros (injuries and bye weeks), their bench would have had enough to take out Semi-P this week.  P&C is one of 5 teams locked in at 3-3, currently 27 points behind the newly named Mad Dogs (Dunder Mifflin Pagano) for a wildcard spot in the Enchilada.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [to Igor] Now that brain that you gave me. Was it Hans Delbruck's?
Eyegor: [pause, then] No.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Ah! Very good. Would you mind telling me whose brain I DID put in?
Eyegor: Then you won't be angry?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
Eyegor: Abby someone.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby someone. Abby who?
Eyegor: Abby... Normal.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby Normal?
Eyegor: I'm almost sure that was the name.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [chuckles, then] Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?
[grabs Igor and starts throttling him]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Is that what you're telling me?

Now Team Gump (also 3-3) was faced with a choice:  play Larry Fitzgerald or Torrey Smith?  Now promise me you won't be angry?  But Fitzgerald's name was supposed to be selected (work with me here) but Coach Fred got startled and Fitzy's fantasy points ended up splattered brains all over the lab floor.  So he put in Abby-something Smith and ended up an eight-point loser to Dale's Doormats.  Not to get you angry, but the 15-point swing would have put the Gumpsters tied for second in the Wilt race as well. 

Eyegor: [Peek back out from the castle's door] Blucher!
[Horses Whining]

Camel Jockeys may have the second-fewest points scored in the league, but they are sitting at 3-3 after winning their second straight this one behind Vernon Davis' 30 point output.  Yes, they're doing it a bit ugly, but what the hey!  Now, with Julio Jones out and Roddy White hobbling, it's an open question as to whether they're better with Carson Palmer or Matty Ice at QB the rest of the way, but with Chris Johnson, TY Hilton and Pierre "the man" (or is that "the waiter"?) Garcon, they do have some weapons besides Burnin' Vernon.  And no, they do not want any ovaltine, thank you. 

Watchdog Week 4 - Whaddya Know?

Time for our week four "pre-season" Dr. Gray forecast.  What we know in our whole head is more than the fantasy knowledge you have in your little pinkie.  Or something like that. 

Anyway, it looks to the Watchdog like there are four top teams, five more in the middle of the pack and another five who will surely get participation ribbons this year and a hearty "thanks for paying your league dues (every year)". 

I've taken it upon myself to look at each team's roster and where their players rank currently by position.  If you have the #1 QB, #1 and 2 RB, #1 and 2 WR, #1 TE, K and D, you'd have 10 points, which is the lowest and best score possible for a starting eight.  I also looked at points scored so far this season and of course wins.  So let's rank the teams, starting with the rank and smelly and working up to the dominating and odorless. 

PARTICIPATION RIBBONS:

If you're a parent these days, perhaps your kid too has a drawer full of participation ribbons.  My daughter has started to despise hers, even as she treasures the handful of actual placement ribbons she's won.  Irregardless, you have IT and the Camels as the only teams who have not cracked 290 points scored.  Not surprisingly, they have one win each. 

The Camel Jockeys have Matty Ice (5th QB), CJ2.0 (26th RB), Pierre Garcon and Julian Edelman (15 and 19), Vernon Davis (11th TE), Dan Bailey (13th K) and Jets D (23rd).  So unless Ryan Fitzpatrick lights a fire in the Titans offense and gets Johnson off track (or is that untracked?), they'll have only one top 10 player at any position, and only three top 20 players, with two of those being a kicker and a TE. 

IT does have Phil Rivers, Dez Bryant, Cecil Shorts, Jared Cook and David Akers.  The bad news is that Rivers hasn't actually started yet this year, sitting behind Kaepernick.  The ugly news is that their best RBs are Trent Richardson and Rashard Mendenhall (19 and 28 respectively). 

Natural Disaster is the only other team to score less than 334 points, and of course, they have yet to get off the schnide, much to the dismay of the new head coach.  However, things don't look quite so bleak for the Disaster, as the GM has been scrambling, having picked up Nate Washington (16th WR), Charles Clay (7th TE), Nick Novak (7th K) and Bills D (9th) to go with Russell Spaulding Wilson (7th QB), Lynch (5th), Powell (15th) and Calvin Johnson (5th).  They do seem to have a knack for losing the close game, and it remains to be seen how the return of Mike Goodson from suspension will affect Bilal Powell's production. 

The Fatties and Wombats are nearly identical in points (337-334 respectively) and wins (2 each), but vastly different in how their rosters are made up.  The Wombats, with their four QBs, have Rodgers (2nd in average PPG), Gore (11), Al Morris (14), Chris Givens (56), Tony Gonzalez (5), Garrett Hartley (5) and Patriots D (16).  Their other WRs are Jason Avant and Danny "Out With a Groin" Amendola.  I keep waiting for them to trade one of their three decent QBs (Schaub or Romo) and try to get a WR somewhere, but so far the trade winds have been quiet.

The Fatties have 337 total points, but with a roster featuring Stafford (5), Rice, Lacy, DeSean Jackson (8), Marshall (13), Celek (23), Houston K (20) and Chefs D (1) better days are ahead if they can ever get their cats healthy.  In fact, you could argue that they belong on the next level down (or up, depending on how you look at it).



LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM!
Is there anyone in the world that really is truly interested in how someone else's fantasy team is doing?  Particularly if that team is not winning?  Do we really care about bad breaks, injuries or unlucky weeks?  Let me clear it up for you, if you didn't know:  no, we do not.  That said, it is likely that two of these next five teams will make the Enchilada Bowl.  If you can figure out which two, let me know how you did it.  That kind of prognostication should be worth something.  I think I have a roll of quarters here in my pocket. 

Team Brokerage has an awesome team on paper, except their QB, as previously noted in other weeks.  You have McCoy (3), Forte (4), Nicks and Wallace, Finley, Gostkowski (1) and Titans D (5).  But Nicks and Wallace both have the misfortune of playing for teams with either bad QBs or bad offenses (or both?).  And then there's Ryan Tannehill (24th ranked QB and pictured left), their only QB.  Has Brokerage hit on a winning formula by picking up whichever D is playing against one of the New York teams?  Time will tell, but it's hard to argue with right now.

Pep & Cheez has had to deal with the disappointing Cam Newton (26th???), but gotten OK production from Cutler (10th).  Charles (2), Bradshaw (22) and Dan Thomas (36) make up a nice stable of backs.  Steve Johnson (25) and DeAndre Hopkins (34) show their weak spot at WR (I think this guy catches better), while Gates has been rejuvenated (3rd TE).  Philly K and Saints D (15 and 13) have been barely passable. 

The Hundering Turd have 3 wins, but only 347 points scored.  Brees (2), or a lot of mud, will cover a multitude of sins.  Spiller and MJD (31 and 40) have been awful, but Spiller at least projects to break out of his early problems.  Giovani Bernard (17) has some upside as well.  The Jones brothers (Julio is 4th, James is 29th in PPG) have been solid.  Fleener (13th TE) has struggled with injuries, while Vinatieri and Vikings D (11 and 10) have been OK. 

On the list of Billy Joel/Christie Brinkley marriages, perhaps at the very top, you have Ric Ocasek (formerly of the Cars) and Paulina Porizkova (formerly of SI Swimsuit fame).  You might have called Ric the luckiest man in the world, if he hadn't died so young.  I tell you that story to tell you this one:  Team Gump has "lucked" into "passable" production from their QB - Alex Smith (11th) has edged out Andrew Luck (13th) so far this year.  Moreno (13), Green-Ellis (30) have been barely adequate.  Demaryius Thomas, Torrey Smith and Larry Fitzgerald (2, 10 and 18) highlight the team's strength, along with Julius Thomas (4th TE), Seattle K (8) and the disappointing (so far) SF D (21st). 

The best of this bunch is Semi-P, which was fortunate that the Giants don't have another option at RB besides David Wilson.  But Bradford (14) has out-performed Pick6 Manning (17) so far.  Peterson has been great (1st RB) but not dominant.  Nelson, Andre Johnson and Alshon Jeffery (3rd in PPG, 26 and 31) have been good at WR.  Daniels (9), Gould (10) and Seattle D (2) have been good.  If Pick6 can pick up his play, which could happen if the Giants can get healthy on their O-Line, Semi-P should edge up into the next group.

THE CONTENDERS:

Pagano has the right Manning (or the one of the left) (1), Fragile Fred Jackson (10), Ryan Mathews (21) AJ Green (11) and Randall Cobb (tied-8 in PPG), Decker (22), Jennings (24), Kyle Rudolph (27), Dan Carpenter (6th K), and Dallas D (4th).  If they can find a running back (Stevan Ridley is 42nd and Ronnie Hillman is 33rd) or even a TE, they may well have enough to reach the Promised Land.

It is true that since marrying Gisele Ono, Tom Brady is 3-4 in the post-season.  However, when Tom Brady (18th QB) is the weak spot on your team, things are going pretty well.  Such is the case for TBD (formerly defending champion Red Bandits).  They have Foster (8) and McFadden (18), along with LeVeon Bell (39) who missed a few weeks to start the year.  Eddie Royal (9) has probably scored over half his fantasy points this year (he has 48 so far), but Kenbrell Thompkins, Josh Gordon and Stephen Hill both figure to have their best days ahead (17, 36 and 42).  Steve Smith (57) has disappeared with Newton.  But they have a pretty good TE in Jimmy Graham (1), Kicker (Walsh is 4) and D (Colts are 7).  Unfortunately for the Colts D, their second game against Jacksonville is in week 17.  Nevertheless, a strong team this TBD.

The only undefeated team comes in as the second-best on my rankings.  That is the Steel Trojans, a team, we are told, that is named after the Steelers and USC Trojans.  Given that the Steelers are 0-4 and the Trojans just fired their coach, there are rumors afoot that the Steel Trojans have been in discussions to make Lane Kiffin their new defensive coordinator.  You could argue this is too low for the STs, as Griffin (12) is likely to get healthier and more dangerous as the season goes.  They have the Vacator (6th), Joique Bell (9), Sproles (12), DeAngelo Williams (25) and Steven Jackson (46).  They have Welker (3), Boldin (12), Wayne (20) and Hartline (23).  They have Bennett at TE (6), and Matt Bryant (9) and Ravens D (12).  If you want to say they could do better with those spots, that's probably true.  Otherwise, a pretty well-constructed team. 

So how much did the extra draft picks help?  They got Sproles, Welker and Wayne in the first round, so yes that helped.  But their first pick was 6th, so anyone could have picked any of those guys.  Gump's pick of Green-Ellis, the Pagano's pick of Ryan Matthews and the Wombats pick of Darryl Richardson rank as questionable first rounders so far.  Further, how much does trading for extra picks help?  In four seasons, ten teams have had more than one first round pick, counting two this year.  Three of the eight have finished first in their division, none have won the Enchilada Bowl.  Four have finished under .500 for the season. 

And last and best on the ranking comes Dale's Doormats.  Vick (4), DeMarco Murray (7), Doug Martin (16) and Lamar Miller (24) along with Victor Cruz (1), Antonio Brown (6) and Marques Colston (28) and a strong "special team":  Jordan Cameron (2), Matt Prater (2) and Bears D (3) give the Doormats the strongest starting eight in the league with 41 points.  The Trojans were second with 69.  If you look at it by points scored instead of by ranking, their 478 points scored by their best 8 is 67 points better than the #2 team in the league (TBD) and 97 points better than the league average (that is, nearly 25 points per game per week over the league average score).  The Doormats had that goofy trade with IT, which seems to have sunk IT and somehow given the Doormats the best team in the league.  IT has endured Kaepernick's struggles, even at the expense of playing him over Rivers.  But how did Dale benefit?  They picked up Tavon Austin with the extra pick, Montee Ball with the 2nd round pick-swap - but Jordan Cameron with the 5th round pick, which was the 11th pick that round rather than their normal 5th spot.  So in a word, the trade didn't help at all.  Really it's a matter of each of their positions being filled by at least a viable starter.  If Cruz, Cameron and Brown, along with Vick, continue their strong seasons, the Doormats look like the odds-on pick for the Enchilada Championship.