Holy Toledo Batman! Los Banditos Rojo Gano Enchilada!

Holy priceless collection of Etruscan Snoods! The Red Bandits have done it! Let the celebration begin! Everybody, dance the Batusi!





The Bandits won 8 of their last 9 games to go from also-rans to champeens of the entire Enchilada. How did they do it? Looking over their lineup, perhaps they were better than the Watchdog gave them credit for all along? But let's not go crazy.


Certainly there were a few moves here and there, some worked well, some not so well. Trading LT2 for BarberIII seemed like a good plan until LT2 put it into gear, averaging nearly 13 per game after being traded vs 6.5 before. MBIII meanwhile averaged 9.0 per game and was benched for the Enchilada. Certainly the team was based on #1 fantasy scorer Aaron Rodgers, who went toe to toe with Drew Brees in the finals, even though Brees was playing Tampa Bay's disvaunted D. Did the Wombats over-analyze their matchups? Well, they did bench #3 RB in the league MJDrew in favor of #27 RB Brandon Jacobs, who ended up the season with just better than half Drew's point total. And while Drew outscored Jacobs 9-0, ultimately that mattered not at all. But more on the Bandits - certainly DeAngelo Williams getting hurt helped them tremendously, as Jonathan Stewart scored nearly half his points for the season in the last 4 weeks including a 200-yard and 1 TD performance against the Giants unvaunted D. Brent Celek was another key for the Bandits, out-pointing Antonio Gates in the finals. And the Bandits alertly re-acquired Dallas D off the waiver wire in time for the finals and all they did was pitch a shut-out against the imvaunted Redskins O. The Wombats would neither confirm nor deny that their offensive coordinator was being relegated to a bingo parlor for next season. At Wide Receiver, TO experienced a rebirth of sorts, averaging 11.5 per game from week 8-14. And having Marques Colston, who finished as the 10th best WR in the league, going against Brees in the finals seems like pretty good insurance against a big game from Brees.


So the Wombats gambit to win it all again fell short. Interestingly, Brees was outscored by Matt Ryan 28-16 in the finals, and Jacobs was outscored by Drew 9-0. Only Gates was worth trading for, outscoring Shockey 13-0. That said, Brees was exactly 5 points better than Ryan in the semi-finals, and the Wombats' winning margin over Dale's Doormats was 4. So one could argue the trade was worthwhile.






In the Constipation Bowl, it was Fish In A Barrell getting a sack with 1:12 left in the 3rd quarter, followed two plays later by a signature Cutler interception sending them from 2 points down to 1 up. They followed with one more sack for good measure and found themselves Constipation Bowl Champeens. And there was much rejoicing. So the obvious question, given that the Doormats started Jason Campbell (8 points) over Jay Cutler (35 points), is what the heck was Coach Dale thinking?!?!? Well, allow me to make a quick guess - Campbell had averaged just under 25 points per game for the previous 4 weeks, where Cutler had averaged just over 12 points per game over the same period. Crazy? Crazy like a tack, I think. Interesting perhaps only to me, both teams scored exactly 77 points with their benches. Evenly matched? In a word.


And finally, the Toilet Bowl - a story of redemption cut short at the last moment. Pep & Cheez, a team frankly surprised to still be playing in any game in week 16, found themselves ahead by 19 going into last night's game with only Adrian Peterson left for Team Gump. At halftime Peterson had 29 yards rushing and no TDs. But he put up 65 yards and 2 TDs after the break to break the Pizza Boyz heartz. And this after Team Gump had to endure the Curtis Painter era for nearly a half against the Jets, watching the Colts QBs put up 9 in the championship game after back-to-back games totalling 68 and averaging nearly 25 a week for the season.


So here are the payouts:
Red Bandits win 50% of the net pot (14 teams x $130, minus league fees for CBS Sportsline of $130) = $845.00

Wombats win 20% for 2nd place and 5% for winning their division for $422.50

Fish in a Barrell win 5% for 3rd place, 10% for the scoring title and 5% for winning their division for $338.00

And Team Gump wins 5% for the Toilet Bowl for $84.50.


Year End Awards, AKA the Final Insult, will be forthcoming. Additionally, the awards ceremony will be held at Pete's Restaurant in Morristown at a date to be announced. Hope we'll be able to find a date where most of the East Coast teams can attend.


Thanks for a great season everyone! Checks will be forthcoming!

Your humble observer,
The Watchdog

On to the finals!

As we head to the finals of the 2009 PCMFFL Enchilada Bown, it's time to get philosophical up in here.

Well we narrowly avoided a major controversy with Dale's Doormats failing to put in for their tie-breakers. FYI, in the past, the commish decreed that in such case, the default is the team QB, team K and team D. Now with the flexible rosters, that doesn't work so well, though it would have worked for Dale. Sometimes it comes down to knowing your personnel. Dale alertly put Michael Crabtree in the starting lineup, going on the theory of anyone cut by Electric Mayhem is likley to be worth picking up (but only after they're cut). However, Earl Grey Bennett had 11. Alternatively, Mendenhall would have provided the winning margin over either Grant or Addai (two other former Mayhemites). See how these things can get you in trouble? I'm reminded of the story where three women were in a locker room dressing to play golf when a man runs through wearing nothing but a bag over his head. The first woman looks at his weiner and says "Well it's not my husband." The second woman says "No, it isn't." And the third woman says, "He's not even a member of this club!" Thank you. I will be here all week.

Fish In a Barrell got off to a tremendous start for 2009, running out to a 9-2 start but have sputtered down the stretch. Red Bandits, on the other hand, started off 2-4 and have ripped off 8 wins in the last 9 weeks. Might have been Moses Solomon, the Rabbi of Swat, might have been somebody else. But a one of the all time greatest Jewish philosophers was asked if he believed in Free Will. His reply: "I have no choice!"

In Toilet Bowl News, the Gump-Brokerage Battle Royale turned into one for the ages. Brokerage would not trade Ahmad Bradshaw this year, but couldn't exactly play him every week either. Unfortunately, he would have easily provided the winning margin this week. Then again, so would Rock Cartwright. Makes you think you might be something like this guy:
My friend Mike called me the other day saying "I'm calling from Route 80 on my new cell phone." I told him "Be careful Mike, they just said on the radio that there's a nut driving the wrong way on the highway." He said "One nut? Hell, there are hundreds of 'em!" The Gumpsters rode Manning's 4 TD passes and Adrian Peterson's 16 points providing just enough to edge out Roethlisberger's 503 yards passing and 3 TDs.

And this slightly different take on the Golden Rule, courtesy of Pep & Cheez and Tony Soprano: "Whack the next guy with the same respect you'd like to be whacked with, y'know?" Yes, the team that sold off half its roster to get draft picks for next year picked up Jamaal Charles (22 points), Tim Hightower (9) and Maurice Morris (21 points) off the waiver wire / trade dump. And they're in the Toilet Bowl Championship against the Gumpsters.

Watchdog Round 2

Not sure if anyone noticed the Red Bandits' team logo. In the wake of their come-from-behind epic battle with the Sprockets last night, but I for one must take issue with this denegration of a national symbol. If Irwin F Fletch can be held up at gun-point by "Ugly" (Eli Wallach from Good/Bad/Ugly fame), what is to prevent someone from flinging the Hundering Turd onto Dale's Doormat? Or waving Pizza Hut Pizza in front of the Fatties' sumo until he has a myocardial infarction? Or sneaking a huge cubic zirconium into the end of the Wombats' phaser and watching it blow up in their face? For God's sake, when will it end?!?!

Still, it was a great instance of backing up the bravado with a stunning upset. Sprockets, riding Chris Johnson's 35-point effort (his 4th game with at least 35 points this season), along with the Titan D 20 point trouncing, held a 7-point lead going into last night's tilt, with Kurt Warner going against Frank Gore. Arizona QBs have averaged 21 points per game this season and, prior to last night, only once all season failed to put up at least 15. Gore had averaged nearly 15 points per game, but only twice had topped 20. Things looked bleak indeed. And then came the game - Warner seemed intent on distributing the ball as fairly as possible among all the players on the field, completing passes to 9 different players, including 7 on his own team, and Coughling up the ball something like 15 times (we're still reviewing films for a final number). In the end, it's the Ugly who are moving on and Fletch who will likely have to visit his pimp again if he wants $900 in cash.

On the other side of the bracket, Dale's Doormats starters and bench both trounced Tim & Kumar. Coach Dale's controversial decisions to bench Chester Taylor and start Greg Jennings leave many (some?) observers wondering if he hasn't forsaken his beloved Vikings in favor of the hated Packers after a tortuous season from #4, and looking ahead to the inevitable 4-INT game coming this January. It has been observed once or twice in the past in this space that a team (T&K) counting on Matt Hasselback to lead them to the playoffs is doomed for failure as surely as any team counting on Mike Pelfrey and Oliver Perez to make 40% of its starts for the next three seasons. But I digress. T&K did have a snowball's chance in Arizona going into last night's game, with all-world WR Larry Fitzgerald going - needing only 120+ yards and 3 TDs - but getting 22 yards instead. In the words of Maxwell Smart - "missed it by that much." Incidently, with Shaun Suisham getting canned as WAS K for missing one chippie, how does Nick Folk still have a job? The guy has missed 7 FGs in his last 7 games and 8 in his last 9. And more to the point, why is he still starting for T&K?

In Toilet Bowl news, Semi-R just got edged out by Team Gump if they were allowed to play all 16 players against Gumps' starters. Semi-R never recovered from losing Ronnie Brown. Randy "One Toke Over the Line" Moss finally rolled in from Oakland, Favre gave a sneak preview of his coming playoff performance to Vikes' fans everywhere, meanwhile, Semi-R had Derrick Mason "the Line" Dixon on the bench. Belichick did say afterwards that Moss would get "J for Effort."

Elsewhere, Pep & Cheez bounced the Fatties from the ring, completing the Fatties' crash and burn from Enchilada candidate to first round-out against a team that had already traded away most of its good players.

Team Brokerage overcame a stellar effort from Ben, a two-time SB champion who now can't beat the Browns?!?! Anyway, they got 200 yards and 2 TDs from Brandon Marshall to stomp on the Turd. Time for a quick shout-out to the Turd for continuing to start Donnie Brown who was inactive in week 14 after amassing 5 fantasy points total in the previous 5 weeks. Thanks for playing. I know there isn't normally much available this time of year on waivers, but Quentin Ganther (21 points) and Willis McGahee (19 points) were waiver pickups late in the week. I know it's only the Toilet Bowl and I know the Turd is already playing for next year, but geez, I mean even Moss LOOKS like he's trying sometimes...

And since Pep & Cheez won, of course Electric Mayhem also won, setting up a matchup everyone wants to see - who can lay the biggest Turd (this side of the Rockies anyway)! Coach Eickhorst alertly had DeSean "The Great Gloved One" Jackson and his 29 points on the bench. I'm sure you saw that Jackson has become just the third player ever with 8 TDs of 50+ yards in a season, matching Devin Hester "the Molester" and Crazy Legs Hirsch. And as much as Andre Johnson (31 points) showed why Mayhem traded for him, Hakeem "Stevie" Nicks and Sidney "Re-fried" Rice (combined 26 points) who were both picked up off waivers, showed why you don't trade a starting RB like Ray Rice (13 carries for 166 yards) for a WR, no matter how good he is. Right Coach Morrison?

Watchdog's Family Guy Playoff Preview

Before we get to the guts of today's update, congratulations to the playoff teams:

Division Winners: Wombats and Fish get a bye this week

First round playoffs: Tim & Kumar vs Dale's Doormats; Sprockets vs Red Bandits

For those who are wondering (and it may just be Fish and the Sprockets), the Commish had decreed a few years ago that points scored would be first tie-breaker. The reason we use that instead of head-to-head is the likelihood that the head-to-head matchup would take place in a week when one team had one or several players on a bye, thereby creating an unfair advantage. As such, it is (are?) the Fish who get the first round bye and the 5% division winners prize, along with their regular-season points title.

For the rest of us, it's on to the Toilet Bowl!

Fatties will host Pep & Cheez; E-Head vs Electric Mayhem; Brokerage vs the Turd and Semi-P vs Team Gump.

The playoff race was truly down to the wire for several teams. Red Bandits needed 16 points from GB QBs to secure their playoff spot, holding off the red-hot Team Brokerage, who finished the season on a 4-game winning streak, even getting high points twice, including this week.

For the Doormats and Fatties, it was Dale putting up 90 and winning (despite leaving Washington QB's 32 on the bench) while the Fatties put up 99 and lost. Leonard Weaver (15) or JerMichael Finley (19) could have helped the Fatties stop the bleeding (they finished by losing their final 4 games) and sneak into the Enchilada Bowl.

So let's take a moment and reflect on the 2009 fantasy season with a little help from the Griffins:

Peter: Sometimes it's appropriate to swear(Peter is in court)

Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?

Peter: I do........You bastard

Peter (drunk and naked at a wine tasting): Hey hey, where the hell is that Peter Griffin? He told me he'd give me a hundred dollars if I took off all my clothes off.

The Family Guy's version of "Fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son." But perhaps a good way to pass a fantasy football season. The Turd lost their last 7 games, though the last 2 were not surprising, having traded for picks in the 2010 draft. When Donald Brown, Earnest Graham and Marshawn Lynch all bombed out, it didn't really matter that they were able to keep Jacobs (big disappointment) and one of the two top candidates for NFL MVP in Brees. Even getting the #1 scoring TE in the league (Vernon Davis for those of you scoring at home - or even if you are by yourself) in round 7 failed stem the tide and a 4-2 start ended up 4-9.

Tom Tucker: And now over to Ollie Williams for the blackie punishment forecast, Ollie?

Ollie: HE GON' GET IT!

Tom Tucker: Thanks Ollie!

Team Gump had that nasty 6-game losing streak in the middle of the season, and despite having Peyton, Thomas Jones, Adrian Peterson, (3rd and 9th best RBs in the league) alertly picking up Austin Collie and generally paying attention to available free agents, they just weren't able to put it all together this year. Not sure what the quote has to do with Team Gump - I just like that one.

Congressman: There is no just cause for an invasion of Iraq.

Peter: Well that may be, but what were all forgetting is anyone that doesn't want to go to war is gay.

Congressman:I want to go to war.

Congressman:I want to go to war.

All of Congress:I want to go to war.

Dick Cheney:I was the first one who wanted to go to war.

Semi-P looked ready for war, and most certainly not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). They will, however, certainly win the annual Fatties Award this year for finishing second in the league in total points, yet missing the playoffs. It would be tempting to say that losing Ronnie Brown killed SP's season, because with Ricky Williams, Randy Moss, Austin Miles, Vikings QB and Jason Witten, this team had everything you could want. But strangely, it was a slow start that doomed SP. They started 3-6, then won two games more before Brown got hurt. Got 4 of their last 5, but really needed to get 8 wins, not 6.

Meg: Mom, Dad--am I ugly?

Lois: Oh of course not sweetie!

Peter: Yeah, where'd you get a stupid idea like that?

Meg: Craig Hoffman.

Peter: Crai....Craig Hoffman said that? Well, he's a sharp kid. You might be ugly.(Meg runs out crying)

Sometimes it's better to just call ugly ugly and be on with your life. Pep & Cheez had a better team than their record, but wisely pulled the plug and made some excellent trades for next season, picking up 2 first round picks and a third, giving up Pierre Thomas, Brian Westbrook and Anquan Boldin. As has been proven by both Ingrey brothers and the Jets however, just having a plethora of picks does not necessarily give one a guarantee a team of a successful draft!

Cleveland: All he needs is another lemon snow cone.

Peter: No thanks, that yellow snow cone you gave me didn't taste like lemon, it tasted more like...oh you guys are asses!

The defending Enchilada Champion E-Head lost 4 of their last 5 to fall out of contention and will have to defend their title in the Toilet Bowl. Don't eat that yellow sno-cone!

Peter: A guy at work bought a car out of the paper. Ten years later, Bam! Herpes. The Fatties endured the aforementioned 4-game losing streak to end the regular season and missed the playoffs again. Coincidence? I don't think! Worse still, they gave up their 1st and 3rd round picks in next year's draft in an effort to make the playoffs. Everyone's pre-season favorite's fate seemed sealed when Michael Turner and DeAngelo Williams both sustained late-season injuries. Hard to believe that just a few weeks ago, the only question was whether or not the Fatties would catch the Wombats for the division title!

Stewie: What the hell is this?

Lois: Sweetie, that's tuna salad.

Stewie: Oh, is that what it is? Really? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food.

Team Brokerage, on the other hand, I'm sure would love for the season to be 2-3 weeks longer, having won 4 straight behind Roethlisberger, Forte, Tomlinson, Cal Johnson, Brandon Marshall, Heath Miller, Ryan Longwell and Philly D. Brokerage got off to a slow start largely due to Forte's slow start - he had 5 points or fewer in 5 of the first 7 weeks in one of the most disappointing sophomore seasons in recent memory. Their trade of Revenge of the Sith Barber for Tomlinson could hardly have been timed better as Tomlinson scored 13 or higher in 4 of his 5 weeks with Brokerage, after totalling 29 in the first 7 weeks of the season.

Peter:..Hello Sally, h-hey its Peter Griffen. Yeah, that's right, senior prom, yeah it's been a while..so listen, um, I just found out that Im retarted and um, I'm just calling to let you know that uh, you might want to get yourself tested.

Either Dale or T&K will get to play the Wombats. Not sure that's a good thing. Dale's Doormats get a good matchup for Rashad Mendenahll against Cleveland, but Addai plays at Denver so that's likely a wash. Tim & Kumar have Pierre Thomas, Wes Welker and Larry Fitzgerald with decent matchups. Should be enough to give them the edge.

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'

Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Red Bandits have a tough matchup against the Sprockets - Chris Johnson against St Louis, Santonio Holmes against Cleveland give the Sprockets an advantage. On the flip side, TO has KC, so VG there.

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!

Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.

Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!

Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!

Fish In A Barrell looked like a lock for the Enchilada Bowl a few weeks ago, but recently they've been barely able to keep their heads above water. Rice, Wayne and Roddy White, along with Tony Gonzalez and Matt Schaub gives the Fish a tough lineup. Picking between Laurence Bony Maroney and Justin Tony Forsett could prove to be the make-or-break decision of the playoffs. Maroney has 96 points in his last 7 games, but put up a 4-spot this past week. Forsett has 67 in the last 4 weeks and the Seahawk play Tampa in week 15 while the Pats visit Buffalo. Who to play? Who to play???

Peter: [writing letter] Dear MacGuyver, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw. Please save my dog.

The Wombats traded most of their draft next season for a better chance to win this year. Are they capable of turning regular household stationairy into a season-saving contraption? They were seen doing cartwheels when Sean Payton said they would try for the perfect season - then had to watch them get a gift from the Redskins to keep it alive. Nevertheless, their trade for Brees, along with keeping MJD and lucking into not trading Cedric Benson will make them a tough out. Vincent Jackson and Antonio Gates should be able to do enough, even as Norv coaches with his hands around his neck down the stretch of the season.