Watchog Week 6 - Wallyworld!

Clark: Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes... or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?

OK, it's not the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, but Brokerage did put up eleventy-one points this week, good for second most points on the face of the fantasy football earth, at least as related to the PCFFL.  I, for one, am glad to see Mike Vick continue to pile up fantasy points and losses.  I'm sure Team Brokerage, having won three straight now, are pleased as well! 

Clark: Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?
Cousin Eddie: Oh, nothing but the best.

If you picture that second largest ball of twine in the world rolling down a hill, the Red Bandits would be the tomato sitting at the bottom of that hill, waiting to be rolled into ketchup.  They did get double-digit points from Eli and LeSean, but no one else.  Interesting or not, the Canes Division is 1-5 against the Quakes Division so far this season.  The Bandits are the only team to win a game thus far, beating Dale's Doormats (of course).  Of course, Coach Marcin would tell you the Bandits are indeed "nothing but the best!" 

CLARK: We're ten hours from the fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation! It's a quest. It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fun we'll need plastic surgeory to remove our godamn smiles!

Dale's Doormats are on a quest too - a quest for the Enchilada Bowl (or just the playoffs).  With 110 points this week, they double their wins on the season as Bob Griffin 3 goes for 38 this week.  Just 9 points out of first place in the Wilt Race and inching ever closer to a winning record.  Second half of the season is going to be so much fun...


Rusty Griswold: Is that a real gun, Mom?
Ellen Griswold: I don't know, Rusty, but when this is all over, your father... may be going away for a little while.

The Fatties have put MJD and the Bears' bye week behind them and know that those teams won't be going anywhere for a long while.  Having spent so much money on Brian Hartline, it was of course predictable that he should produce the same number of points, once inserted into the starting lineup, as both MJD and the Bears combined this week.  The 54 points from the starters were accentuated by the 7 points from their bench players, a performance even more unhinged by the fact that this was the Fatties' first loss of the season and prior to this week, they'd been averaging over 90 points per game.  A one-week abberation?  Or the start of a long roller-coaster of a season?  I think the Fatties have been on this ride before, and had a bad experience on this ride.

Ellen Griswold: Don't you want to look at the Grand Canyon?
Clark: Great.  Let's go.

Look at what Shonn Greene did for the Camel Jox this week:  161 yards and 3 TDs - truly a magnificent spectacle.  His 34-point effort was in fact 7 more than he'd put together in the previous 5 weeks.  When asked about his execution, Coach Haas did not say he was in favor of it, but rather took a page from Clark W, as above - "That's great.  Let's go - do it again."

Marty Moose: Sorry, folks! We're closed for two weeks to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park. Sorry, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!

The Wombats fall to 2-4 despite driving all the way across country, putting up 81 points and holding a 29 point lead going into Sunday Night's game with just Jordy Nelson left for Pep & Cheez.  Sorry folks!  Another victim of Aaron Rodgers' 6 TD game as Nelson caught half of them. 



Rusty Griswold: Hey, ya' got Pac Man?
Cousin Dale: No.
Rusty Griswold: Ya' got Space Invaders?
Cousin Dale: Nope.
Rusty Griswold: Ya' got Asteroids?
Cousin Dale: Naw, but my dad does. Can't even sit on the toilet some days.

This exchange is perfect for Team Gump in so many ways.  First, Pac Man?  Space Invaders?  Video games have come a loooooong way in the last 25 years.  Second, 55 points from the defending champs?  Last year was a loooooong time ago!  How many kicks did Akers miss?  What happened to Luck?  Last week he beats the Packers, this week he gets whitewashed by the Jets?  A perfect lineup, with Felix Jones, Brandon Gibson and Denver D instead of Michael Turner, Jeremy Kerley and Ravens D would have made things interesting, but in the end, when you've got Asteroids and are 105 points out of the Wilt race, it all comes out the same.


Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: That's not a real gun, is it Clark?
Clark: Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I.
Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: It's a BB gun!
Clark: Don't tempt me. I could put an eye out with this thing.
Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: You couldn't even break the skin with that thing.

Sprockets know you could too break the skin, you could get a bad infection.  You could get 338 yards and 6, not a mis-print six TDs from Aaron Rodgers and still fall to 0-6, not a mis-print zero and six, on the season. 


Rusty Griswold: Wow dad, we must have jumped that rail by like 56 yards.
Clark: Nothing to be proud of Russ...
[pauses as Rusty walks away]
Clark: [proudly] ... 56 yards...

OK, I edited the quote, but the Turd managed 56 yards from Willis McGaheehee on Monday Night to overcome the Sprockets and Aaron Rodgers' 6 TD passes.  The Turd is now 5-1 on the season, with Andy Dalton producing his 4th 27+ point game in 6 tries.  CJ Spiller, known here as a "glorified punt returner", is back and producing and Jason "Mmm Bop" Hanson had 4 more field goals.  56 Yards...


Clark: Roll 'em up!

The Dundies have witnessed more than their share of plight of the inner city this season.  Dropping to 1-5 despite facing the worst scoring team in the league (sorry Haas), it's time to stop and ask for directions out of East St. Louis. 





Eddie: I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.

Pep & Cheez improved to 3-3 with a 1-point win over the Wombats, but remains one of three teams in the league more than 100 points off the pace for the Wilt Scoring Title.  With Mendenhall getting laid off, Redman getting his disability cut and Charles being told the plate in his leg wasn't big enough, P&C may have trouble making ends meet in the next few weeks though...

Lasky: Has your father ever killed anyone?
Rusty: Just a dog. Oh and my Aunt Edna.
Clark: Hey you can't prove that Russ.

Has I/T ever beaten anyone?  Just a dog, and both Ingrey brothers.  They're going to have trouble beating anyone else if only Peyton and Jermaine get into double-digits.  They had a little trouble beating Dale's Doormats with that bb-gun arm Manning is sporting these days. 


Motorcycle Cop: Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state?
Clark: No, sir, I don't.
Motorcycle Cop: Well... it's probably pretty stiff.

Which is more cruel?  Dominating a team and leaving them without hope?  Or letting them hang around?  Natural Disaster did the former, Semi-P the latter.  ND took on the defending Enchilada Champion Gumpsters, and put them out of their misery early on, as everyone but SF D put up a solid performance, even if Christian Ponder took most of the first three quarters to get his act together.  We even had a Kenny Britt sighting...


Clark: Oh, you can't think I'd do this on purpose? Look... I tied him to the rear bumper while I was packing the car. It was very confusing. I must have forgot. I'm very sorry, I feel terrible.
Motorcycle Cop: How do you think that little dog feels?
Clark: Look, I told you I was sorry. It really was an accident.
Motorcycle Cop: Well, I guess I can buy that, sir. But it is a shame. I had a pooch like this when I was a kid.
[both Clark and the motorcycle cop sorrowfully look at the empty road behind them]
Motorcycle Cop: Poor little guy. Probably kept up with you for a mile or so.
[tearing up]
Motorcycle Cop: Tough little mutt...

What's cruel is the way Semi-P is just toying with the rest of us poor dogs, tying us to the back of the bumper, letting even a 54-point team like the Fatties think they have a chance to hang on, and maybe they did for a mile or two...