Usually I spend most of my time talking about all the teams at the top of the standings. Today, I think perhaps it's worth spending a few minutes talking about the rest of us. A Revenge of the Nerds for Fantasy Football players, if that's not overly redundant. And remember the E-Head - a mere 1-4 last season and ended up Enchilada Champs. So they got that going for them, which is nice.
We're going to start with Team Gump, but we're not going to quote Forrest. Let me tell you what my next brilliant idea is: Austin Collie. I know you said you didn't want to know, but secretly, I figured you did, so I told you. Collie speaks English. And he's not injured, which Cotchery is. See, we've got Peyton Manning going against the worst passing D in the league, we've got the good Adrian Peterson going against the Rams and Lee Evans against the Browns. How this team ever lost to the Mayhem is beyond me. Now Manning has a bye and Peterson has the Ravens this week, so Team Gump is going to have to scramble to avoid falling to 2-4. The biggest question for them remains - are they a complete team? Or are they just "Dos hombres?!?!"
Semi-P has been right about a lot of things - Carson Palmer looks good, and so does that guy in Minnesota. They took both RBs in Miami and it works. Muchostinko is showing me up. Their biggest downfall to date has been the fact that Randy Moss is trailing Mike Sims-Walker, Vincent Jackson and Percy Harvin and is leading such luminaries as Austin Collie, Johnny Knox and the recently retired Derrick Mason by just 3 points. But they are dangerous. They could break the skin and cause a bad infection.
Dale's Doormats survived Cutler's bye week, feature not just 2 or even 3 but 4 quality running backs and even have a top WR and TE in Clark and Jennings. That come-hither look you're getting from Coach Dale is him pondering whether he can package Addai and Cutler for your #1 QB. Just watch out for that booby-trap.
Mighty E-Head, I think, just needs to get themselves straightened out a bit and they'll be fine. Flacco had an off day against the mighty Bengals D (doesn't that just sound wrong?) on a week when the Chargers were off altogether. Slaton, Moreno and Jackson give them 2 more good RBs than a lot of other teams have. They've got two Tight Ends in Shiancoe and Gates (insert your own joke here), Berrian, Britt, Ginn and the strangely invisible DeSean Jackson round out a solid team. Eagles QB scored 32 against them with 3 TDs and 265 yards passing and just one pass for no yards went to DJ.
Hard to know exactly what to make of Pep & Cheez - on the one hand, almost half their team was either injured or on a bye this week and they still managed to upend the Mighty E-Head despite scoring the 2nd fewest points in the league for the week. On the other hand, for the season, they've still scored the second fewest points. Best advice is to fall back on superior intelligence and superior fire power. And that's all she wrote.
For the Fatties, an investigation is underway to find out why they benched both Michael Turner and DeAngelo Williams this week particularly when Fred Jackson now has Marshawn Lynch to share the ball with (and he plays for the Bills). So while they are just one game out of a playoff spot, they are also dead last in points scored in the league. So are the Fatties bound for the playoffs? In the words of Miracle Max himself: "It'd take a miracle."
For the Red Bandits, they've had to ride out the Packers' bye week and injuries to Gore and Tomlinson. At 1-4 also, they're clearly in need of taking it up a notch. Let's kick this thing up to 11.
At the top of the bottom, if you will, is Team Brokerage. They're 1-4, so clearly the qualify for this Watchdog. But they're also 3rd in the league in points scored. What do you get for a team that has everything? Seriously, if they'd have started Ahmad Bradshaw instead of a dinged-up Marion Barber III, they'd have taken down Fish, be just 10 points out of first for the scoring title and have had 7 starters score in double figures this week. Well, candlesticks make a nice gift. Maybe we can find out where they're registered.Before the season started Electric Mayhem took a hit to their coaching staff that may have gone unnoticed by the majority of the league. But Coach Eichhorst summed it up best this way: "Morrison's job is to keep Ingrey away from Stupid." Momma always says "Stupid is as stupid does." (You know I had to get at least one Gump quote in!) So let's review for a moment:
1) A preseason trade of Chris Johnson for Roddy White. Sprockets have ridden Johnson's 468 yards and 2 TDs to a first-place tie in their division and 3rd place in the points race.
2) Two weeks ago traded Matt Ryan for Kevin Smith. Ryan posts 31 points this week, helping the Wombats upend the Fatties (with a big assist from the Fatties, as noted above). The Wombats lead the Quakes division at 4-1.
3) This week trading Roddy White and Ray Rice to the Fish for Andre Johnson, where they combined to score 52 and helped Fish beat Team Brokerage (2nd highest points in the league for the week). Fish now have won 3 in a row, hold a 24-point lead in the points race and are tied for first with a 4-1 record.
So if you'll forgive me, I'll try to put this debacle into a possibly recognizable tune:
"Where have you gone Mr. Morrison?Coach Ingrey just made another trade
Oh no no!
What's that you say Mr. Morrison?
Roddy White has left and gone away
Hey hey hey, hey hey hey..."
You could say that the Sprockets, Wombats and Fish were "trying to seduce innocent young Coach Ingrey." But the fact is, the trades were offered by the Mayhem.
