With 10 of the 14 teams at 1-2, how do you distinguish between one pile of feces and another? By what that team ate to produce the pile in question. And the team with the biggest stench so far among these seemingly identical stinkers is - your defending champion Gumpsters! While a 58-point "effort" in week 3 didn't help their numbers any, they'd only averaged 79 in the first two weeks. "Overhead" Cam Newton is certainly part of the problem. Losing Bradshaw the last couple of weeks didn't help. Getting a total of 6 points from their 4 WRs may be the crux of the matter. Woodhead and Felix figure to be at lease passable as back-up RBs once Bradshaw is healthy (if he can get healthy). Pitta was a nice grab off the waiver wire. Ravens' D needs to step up, but they don't play the Patriots again this season, so they got that going for them. Which is nice. The good news is that Andrew Luck looks pretty good and that there are at least a dozen acceptable WRs on waivers.
Just a single point ahead of the Gumpsters are the Camel Jockeys (or Kumar of Tim & Kumar fame). The bad news is that they got their first victory of the season by an absolute gift - 64 points is not a total that will win you many games. The good news is that their bench scored 79 and simply inserting Roofiesberger for Old Man Rivers, they'd shoot up to league average in points on the season. Alertly scooping up Natural Disaster cast-off Daniel Thomas off waivers adds an nice layer of depth at RB, especially if Reggie W Bush has trouble staying healthy. (Helpful hint: when in doubt, pick up the player cut by Disaster. It's even more a sure thing than the Madden Curse.)
The controversial Walla Walla Wombats are next as we move up the rank ranks. After controversially starting Chris Johnson and his 1.4 yards per carry average, and Tony Romo against the suddenly juvenated Tampa Bay D instead of Joe Flacco against the consistent New England D, the WWW reacted by controversially picking up Golden Tate, the diminutive thief from the Pacific Northwest. One wonders whether the Wombats will waive the wideout when Wayne is wakened next week (whew!). With CJ2.0 (that's for his YPC not indicating he's new and improved), Toby Gerhart and Kevin Smith taking up roster space and Devery Henderson as their only other "legitimate" WR (and I use that term loosely), the Wombats are thin, but dangerous. Choosing between these two cheeseballs each week is going to be a tough trough though (I'm not sure what that means either). And now, controversially, the Wombats have benched CJ2.0. What will become of the former has-been?
In a battle of the bottom of the barrel, the Wombats will hope to beat I/R this week, a team that continues its dubious tradition from last year as Darius Heyward-Bey looked like Apollo Creed when he fought Drago in Rocky IV. If Trent Richardson can play the Bengals every week, I/R can roll out most of a nice starting 8 with Buick spokesman of the week at starting QB, Steven Jackson, Steven Johnson, Nate Boom Boom Washington, Heath Miller or Jermaine to the Conversation Gresham at TE and Shayne "Crackers" Graham or Nate "Alex P" Kaeding at K the only other question mark is whether the Pats D is the juggernaught that trounced the Titans in week one or the Jello that tried to stop the Cards and Ravens in weeks 2 and 3. The problem with Richardson is that, outside the Cincy game he's averaging only slightly better than Chris Johnson. 
Unbelievably, Team Brokerage is tied with the 0-3 Sprockets for 9th most points scored so far this year. Now I say "unbelievably" because the Brokes are projected to score 107 points this week when they battle the aforementioned Sprockets. The Brokes have benched Michael Vick in favor of Harvard Fitzpatrick (and the forecasters agree with the decision). Their season may ride on whether this guy (Ryan Mathews) can hold onto the football or whether he'll treat it like a greased watermelon. The other key to their season is also Charging into mediocrity. After 8 seasons of averaging over 9 TDs per season, Antonio Gates has 7 catches for 65 yards and 0 TD in the first 3 games of 2012. The Brokes have done a nice job of working the waiver wire, picking up Bilage Powell (4.0 YPC vs Shonn Greene's 3.4) and Lamar Miller (5.2 YPC backing up the oft-injured Reggie the Vacator and the oft-fumbling Daniel Thomas) as well as #2 D in the NFL Arizona Cardinals (not a typo - and that after playing both New England and Philadelphia). The strength of this team though is at WR with AJ Green and Percy Harvin starting and Danny Amendola (currently 6th ranked WR in the NFL) and DeSean Jackson backing up. In a mediocre league that is averaging 83.31 points per game so far this season, Pep & Cheez is averaging a stellar 83.33 points per game - miles better! They did put up 106 of their 250 this week though, with half of that coming from Matt Schaub and Jamaal Charles, who looked fairly healthy in week 3 (233 yards on 33 carries) after a week 2 showing that even CJ2.0 would spit on (3 yards on 6 carries). On the season he's averaging 5.9 YPC and for his career 6.04 (on 554 carries). This week's opponent, the Chargers, have bottled up Charles to a mere 5.9 YPC in his career though. Charles is the large RB in the P&C stable, with Darren Sproles the other starter. Their tilt this week against Wilt Chamberlain leader Dale's Doormats will leave one team at 1-3 (but really only 1 game out of a playoff spot). By the way, how are the Redskins' D #4 in the league in fantasy points? They've given up 101 points in three games! That is a hard trick to pull off!
The penultimate 1-2 powerhouse is Dunder Mifflin, the people person paper people. As exciting as putting up 114 points is for the Dundies, any time you see "Matthew Stafford (leg) was unable to practice" you have to hold your collective breath, especially when Josh Freeman is your backup. With "Air Vernon" Davis, World Wide Wes and Andre "Ooh My Groin" Johnson, Stephen "Believe It or Not" Ridley, Cedric "Benson" Benson and Tony Gonzalez rounding out the team, Stafford's health makes the Dundies either a powerhouse or a "paper tiger" (sorry...).
Leading the entire league in scoring is (are?) Dale's Doormats, the last of our 1-2 medo-crites. So who are these Doormats? They scored 94 week 1, following that up with 131 in week 2 and then 68 in week 3. Seemingly, overall points leader Bob Griffin gives them a significant edge, especially when paired with Arian Foster. Doug Martin, Demarius Thomas and Dwayne Bowe don't figure to all take the week off at the same time again. Coby Fleener and Marcedes Lewis combined for 8 yards receiving in week 3 and TE remains a problem, and as the Packers continue to struggle defensively, carrying only one team D seems a risky strateegery.
The 3-0 Bandits will face off against the 3-0 Turd this week. The Bandits are averaging exactly 87 points per game and are projected to score exactly 87 again this week! How's that for prognosticating?!?! With Reggie the Vacator on the sidelines and the Bandit's other 4 RBs besides LeSean McCoy averaging 3.33 points per game, the Bandits could be in a short-term fix. Eli, McCoy, "Which One's Pink" and "Me and Julio" Jones, Jason Witten and Seattle D, the Bandits have the makings of a playoff team - if Bush can come back healthy.
By the way, before we all start swapping spit in the shower over the league's projected points, keep in mind that the lowest projected point total for week 4 is 87 (Red Bandits) while in actuality, 10 teams have averaged 87 or lower over the first 3 weeks of the season.
And by the by-way, the deadline for getting your money in has come and gone. Fines have begun to be levied. Don't make me hurt you.
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