Time to pass out grades for the fourteen teams based on their regular season. Given the narrow margin of victory/defeat, we'll examine each team's draft, in-season performance and roster moves, with a nod .
The average number of points scored in a game this year was 83.2 and 8 of the 14 teams finished the season within 5 points of that mark. The exceptions were Marky Marc and the Funky Dogs at 95.9 who earned the Wilt Chamberlain Scoring Title this year, the Fatties (91.7), Steel Trojans (91.0), Team Gump (89.6), Camel Jockeys (75.5) and I/T (68.8). On the defensive side of the ledger, ten of the fourteen teams were within 5 of the average scored against. The exceptions were the Fatties (72.2), Wombats (75.5), Brokerage (89.7) and Natural Disaster (91.5).
First of all, there was a fairly significant difference in which division you were placed in. The Canes Division, won by the Steel Trojans, averaged 81.3 points per game while the Quakes Division, won by the Fatties, averaged 85.1. There were in fact only two good teams in the Canes Division (sorry Moose), STD and the Funky Dogs, who both averaged over 90 per game. The next highest scoring team in the division was the 4-9 Pep and Cheez. If you don't know, your division is determined based on where you pick in the draft portion of the selection process. If your pick is 1-7, you're in the Quakes, if it's 8-14 it's Canes. So it makes sense that the Quakes Division would have a higher scoring average, and it makes sense that the team in the Quakes Division without a first round pick this year would finish dead last.
If a team scored 83 or more and still lost, that would count as being unlucky. Conversely if they scored less than 83 and still won, that would be fortunate. Pep and Cheez had exactly two games where they scored 83+ and still lost, in week 3 vs STD (lost 96-87) and this week vs TBD (lost 100-92). At the same time they had exactly zero wins with 83 or fewer points. So while they weren't exactly unlucky, they weren't very lucky either. But that's what you get for 80 points per game. Looking back at their draft, they did well with Jamal Charles and reasonably well with Cam Newton. Getting two QBs in the auction (Cutler was the other) probably hurt them, though the extra $9 didn't break the bank. The rest of the auction money went to Dwayne Bowe and Antonio Gates. Bowe finished the regular season as the 44th ranked WR. The draft did not provide any gems. Top four picks were Ahmad Bradshaw, Shane Vereen, DeAndre Hopkins and Stevie Johnson. Their best move this year was scooping up Keenan Allen after his breakout game in week 5. And while Allen looks like a very nice player going forward, whether he's a keeper remains to be seen. He has averaged nearly 11 points per game since week 5, which puts him on the border of a top 14 WR. All in, a disappointing year for the Pizza Boyz. Grade: just like Charlie Brown always used to get, a solid D-
There were several teams that missed it by thatmuch in the Quakes Division. We'll start with TBD, a thoroughly average team at 83.2 points per game scored and a 7-6 record. They had just one unlucky loss in week 2 to Brokerage, a 92-91 heart-breaker. They had just one lucky win, 81-75 in week 9 vs Semi-P. They did win 5 of their last 6 games and had four games they lost where their opponent scored 83 or fewer points, so the opportunity was there - in those four games they averaged 59.25 points. Jimmy Graham's zero catches in the week 6 loss (77-69) stands out as the most painful miss. If Brady had gotten off to a better start (he's gotten all the way up to the 18th best fantasy QB now), or Arian Foster or Jimmy Graham had been healthier they might have had enough to get that one more win and into the Enchilada. They did have two good draft picks with Le'Veon Bell in the third round, who has been a top-10 RB after missing the first three weeks with 11.8 points per game; and with Josh Gordon in the 6th, who has averaged a hair less than Calvin Johnson, coming in at 16.6 points per game after missing the first two weeks. Given the QBs Gordon has had throwing to him this year (Weeden, Campbell and Hoyer) that is remarkable. HOWEVER, TBD traded Gordon before his bye week in week 10, missing out on his becoming the first player in NFL history with back-to-back 200-yard receiving games. STD gave them Steven Jackson straight up. In the three weeks since being traded, Gordon has put up over 50% of his points on the season. And I thought Natural Disaster was bad! They might also get credit for 12th round pick Rashad Jennings if they'd kept him long enough. All in, a heartbreakingly close season, particularly considering the guys that they traded or cut. Grade: watch out for those heartbreakers like Gisele Ono, pictured here, C+
Dale's Doormats finished the season 6-6-1, averaging 85.6 points per game. They had exactly one unlucky loss (98-85 in week 4), though they did have three wins where their opponent scored 83 or more. The 54-54 tie with the Wombats did not end up killing their season, as even if they'd won that fiasco, they'd have lost the tie-breaker with Gump. They had no lucky wins all season, in addition to the tie, they lost 68-65 in week 8 to Semi-P, the combination of the two games doing in their season. They made very few moves after the draft, the biggest being when they traded their #2 pick for Dez Bryant. In the draft, Philly QBs were a steal at $15, finishing the fantasy regular season as the #2 QB, but Doug Martin's injury did not help. DeMarco Murray, Victor Cruz and Marques Colston were solid picks, if a bit disappointing. Antonio Brown in round 3 was their best pick in the draft, currently tied for 8th in points per game for WRs. Montee Ball looks like a nice RB, but with the emergence of Knowshon Moreno, he's gotten very little playing time. Jordan Cameron in round 5 looked awesome early, averaging 11.5 per game for the first 8 weeks, but has scored just 9 points in the last 4 games. All in, they were never quite able to recover from Martin's injury. He averaged nearly 10 per game before getting hurt while his replacements averaged less than 6. A deeper team, or an owner that made trades or worked the waiver wire more (or at all), might have overcome that. Grade: Like a Superhero (or whoever that is) that couldn't reach his utility belt, the Doormats seemed stuck in the mud this year, C-
Team Brokerage perhaps defined bad breaks this year, finishing with three games with 91 or more points that they lost and another with 88 and a fifth with 82. They did have one win with 73 points and one loss where their opponent (Semi-P) scored just 73. But those are five - FIVE - games they could have reasonably expected to win. With McCoy and Forte they had two of the top 5 RBs in the league. But their QBs and WRs and TEs never panned out. They spent three late draft picks on TB, Miami and Cleveland QBs. They'd traded their first round pick last year. Their first two picks were Hakeem Nicks and Mike Wallace. Blackmon was a nice pick at 5 until he got suspended again. Wallace finished as the 35th ranked WR, second on his own team. Nicks is 63rd and still searching for his first TD this season. They worked the waiver wire as much as any other team, but the best pickup they made was Carson Palmer. 'Nuff said there. I think the takeaway here is that the two-RB strategy would work if they'd hit on any of their QB picks. Cincy was a fourth rounder, Rivers went in the 8th, Roofiesburger went in the 5th, all finishing in the top 12 QBs in the league. There were WRs to pick up on waivers, like Keenan Allen, Riley Cooper, Harry Douglas and Eddie Royal, who all finished in the top 30, plus Brian Hartline and Kendall Wright who all finished ahead of Mike Wallace. But in 41 transactions, Brokerage picked up just 4 WRs, Marlon Brown in week 2, Denarius Moore in week 4, Santonio Holmes in week 12 and Rod Streater in week 13. All in, their stubborn refusal to try to improve at QB or WR sunk a talented team. Grade - like Miracle Max "not listening", they get a solid "Humperdink" (27 on a scale from 12-36)
Unlucky but good - maybe even great - was Marky Marc and the Funky Dogs, who went through nicknames like they were going out of style. They scored the most points in the league four different weeks and won just four other games in the season. They lost 87-84, 118-98 and 106-95. They had exactly zero wins with less than 83 points. Their worst loss of the year was 82-66 in week 6 against the Camel Jockeys. Their season turned on picking Peyton Manning for a mere $27. Stevan Ridley for $30 did not work so well (#20 ranked RB in fantasy points, but #1 in fumbles lost). Randall Cobb for $15 and AJ Green for $26 were good until Cobb got hurt. Eric Decker as a nice 4th round pick, though most of his value came in this last game when he was on the bench for the Dogs. They scooped up Fragile Fred Jackson in the third round and he ended up staying healthy all season as the 14th ranked RB. Their best waiver pick they kept was Carolina D in week 5, at team that ended up 1 point behind KC for best fantasy D in 2013. Otherwise, they had Kendall Wright and Donald Brown but dropped both, where patience might have paid off with some pretty good performers. Trading their #1 pick next year for Lynch will make them a tough out in the playoffs particularly if Cobb can come back. Coincidentally, they'll play the Wombats in the first round of the playoffs, the other team to give up a #1 pick for a Natural Disaster player. All in, you can't stop the Funky Dogs, you can only hope to contain them. Any time you have "that guy" - the guy who outperforms the rest of the league by so much, you're going to look pretty good. Grade: A-
The Wombats were an interesting team this year. OK, scratch "interesting" and put "lucky as hell." On the season, they averaged just 79 points per game, but made the playoffs at 8-4-1. They won games with scores of 52, 74 and 80 (two of those by a single point) and had that 54-54 tie. They also won a game 98-92, lost a game 87-83. They were in fact that close to going 6-7 on the year. Having just two QBs this year was not enough, even when those two were Rodgers and Romo. They also walked away from the auction with Alfred the Butler Morris, Fred "the Riddler" Gore-shin as well as Tony Gonzalez. Their two WRs were Danny "ooh my groin" Amendola and someone named Chris Givens in the first and third rounds. They did trade for Calvin Johnson and scooped up Michael Crabtree in week 9. Add in Brandon Tate, who is suddenly looking healthy and no longer playing behind Foster and the Wombats could give the Funky Dogs a lot of trouble this week. If they'd done anything about their WR before week 7 besides picking up and dropping Jerome Simpson, they'd get a B+ (still not crazy about the 4-QB draft, though it might have worked out if they'd traded one of the extras). It's really not fair if you're a Super Genius to have to play with ordinary teams. Nevertheless, Coach Moose's willingness to double down could end up "genius" or "Super Genius" depending on whether they catch that Roadrunner. Grade: C+ for the draft and regular season, which could move up if they win two or three games.
The other team that fits in the "lucky as hell" (which is a strange expression to be sure) is the Hundering Turd. Unlike the Wombats in just about every other way other than also being a playoff team, the Turd finished 7-5-1, averaging 78.1 points per game and having 79.2 scored against them. They were 5-1 after the first six weeks, ripping off four straight 90+ point games. They had only one unlucky loss, 113-91 to the Funky Dogs. They won games with 68 and 70 points and tied the Camel Jockeys 68-all. Where the Turd got unlucky was in the performance of CJ Spiller, MJD and Giovanni Bernardo, as well as the injury to Julio Jones. Julio was averaging 6 points per game more than his replacement (Eddie Royal). Bernardo never shook the Law Firm to become the #1 RB in Cincy, finishing as the #21 RB, one place ahead of MJD, who has come on lately, averaging 13.2 per game in his last 5. Spiller, who had 1700 yards from scrimmage and 8 TDs last year, has just 760 and 2 TDs through 12 games this year, good for 34th best RB if there is anything good about that. He did go for 20 against Atlanta in week 13, but is that the sign of a return to form or a sign that Atlanta stinks this year? Brees has carried this team all year, but having two of his next three games against Carolina does not bode well. Mark Ingram followed up his 145-yard performance in week 10 with a total of 79 yards in the next three games combined. The Turd made exactly three pickups during the season and surprisingly none of those moves ended up a key player. They did not throw future draft picks away on this "putrid team" as Coach Ken called it, and who can blame him. But they could have actually picked up a free agent or two. All in, it's hard to win if you don't make any adjustments as the season goes on. Ramming Speed! Grade: zero point zero. Fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son.
Team Gump averaged 89.6 points per game, third best in the league, and had 87.7 points per game scored against them, making them earn their 7-6 record. They had a win against 94 points, another against 98, a loss where they scored 109 and another where they scored 87. They had just one lucky win, and that was with 81 points. They had only two games all year where they scored less than 78 and only three with less than 80. Their auction yielded Andrew Luck (keeper), Demaryius Thomas, Larry Fitzgerald, Jason Witten and SF and Hou Ds. SF D finished 8th best, Demaryius was #3 and Fitzgerald 18th. 3rd round pick Torrey Smith was 19th best WR. Green-Ellis was OK as a #1 draft pick, but it was Knowshon Moreno at #2 and Julius Thomas in the fourth that made Gump go this year. I still believe they could have had Julius in the 6th round or maybe later, but any time you can get the #3 TE in the league is a good pick. The Gumpsters made only 6 waiver pickups during the year, but as Coach Fred stated, "why mess with perfection?" They did pick up New England D (#10 ranked) a couple weeks ago. They are favored to get by the Turd, but will have their work cut out for them with the Fatties if they survive that long. All in, Luck has been good enough, Thomas, Thomas and Fitzgerald were excellent picks. Another team that refused to trade future picks or pick up free agents. Like Frank Drebin as an umpire, time will tell if they make the right call, but on the regular season, a solid B+.
Congratulations, I guess, to There Is an I in I/T, for putting up the lowest point total in this league since 2008 (Pep and Cheez). You have to tip your hat to them for this: they scored more than 81 points just four times and won all four games. They had 7 games with 61 points or less. Their season turned on the draft-day trade to acquire and keep Kaepernick, who ended up the 22nd best QB. Even though they drafted Phil Rivers (#7), they failed to play him until their season was already lost (which may have been week 2). Keeping Trent Richardson for $36 did not help either. Dez Bryant was a good pick at $26 and Roddy White looked good at the time at $20, but Bryant ended up only the 10th best WR but White ended up 80th and indeed was 5th on his own fantasy team. Their best draft picks were Cecil Shorts and Emanuel Sanders at 2 and 10 respectively. They only made 7 waiver pickups, the best of which was probably Donnie Avery, who they dropped #6 ranked Arizona D to pick up. That's astute. If you think I'm kidding, their other waiver pickups were Steelers D, Santonio Holmes, Daniel Thomas, Mike Nugent, Graham Gano and David Nelson. Had Kaepernick been able to replicate his last five games in 2012 where he averaged 30 points per game, or even the 26 points he averaged in all his starts (counting playoffs both times) that would have made him a top 5 or even a top 2 QB. Over the previous six seasons, Roddy White averaged 1295 yards and 8 TDs. This year, he has 352 yards and one TD. He has missed just three games. There is not much to say about Richardson. He ran for 950 yards and 11 TDs last year and has now been traded, one year after being the #3 pick in the NFL, and benched in favor of Donald Brown. Donald Brown. OK, maybe there was a lot to say about Richardson. Let me sum up. He stinks. All in, the draft was better than this, but their first and only major move during the season was to trade Dez before week 7. Grade: F- (but they did get a free bowl of soup with the Kaepernick trade)
The Steel Trojans and Fatties had very similar years, both going 9-4, both averaging about 91 points per game. The Fatties had only 72.2 scored against them while the Trojans had 81. STD's one unlucky loss was to the Fatties, 119-91. Their other three losses were with 60, 60 and 61 points. In every instance, their opponent put up at least 84. They did win with 77 and 78 as well as 87 and 96. They had two extra #1 picks which they used on Reggie Wayne and Wes Welker. They kept RGIII (#17 QB) and drafted Roofiesburger (#12 QB). They spent $63 combined on Steven Jackson (#30) and Reggie Bush (#8 RB) and had $21 left over for Atlanta Kickers. As mentioned above, they were able to swap Jackson for Josh Gordon in the best heist trade of the season, as it turned out (though at the time, it looked like a ho-hum deal). They also got Sproles, DeAngelo Williams, Anquan Boldin and Joique Bell in the draft, with Bell (#24 RB) the best of those. Hartline and Riley Cooper were good late picks if they'd kept them. STD worked the waiver wire early and often, with their best pickup being Jordan Reed, who's had trouble staying healthy but played well when in. They also traded their #1 pick for Adrian Peterson. All in, the Steel Trojans made the most of last year's extra draft picks, made good in-season trades and played the waiver wire well. If RGIII had approached last year's performance, they'd be saying to the rest of the league "No soup for you!" Grade: A
The Fatties survived Ray Rice (#31 best RB for $48) by getting Stafford, Eddie Lacy (#1 draft pick), Brandon Marshall (#3 WR kept for $15) and Vincent (#15 for $13) and DeSean Jackson (#8 second round pick). The problem with Rice was he was never unhealthy enough to just turn the reins over to Bernard Pierce, which made him irrelevant. Rice had averaged just under 1900 yards from scrimmage the last four seasons. He has 695 through 12 games. The Fatties did not work the waiver wire much, but traded for Jamaal Charles and LeSean McCoy, giving up Rice and their first and third picks in next year's draft. Looking at the Enchilada playoffs, they have Stafford (#4 QB) and three of the top 10 RBs, Marshall and DeSean Jackson. They're a bit lacking at kicker and TE and while KC D is still the #1 fantasy D, they've scored 7 points total in their last 3 games. Their two playoff matchups though are Oakland and Indy which figure to bring some points. Given Lacy's production, it's hard to see why they needed both McCoy and Charles. But when you've been close as many times as the Fatties have and never been to the Land of Milk and Enchiladas, it's hard to blame them for going all-in. All in, yes, they are. Win or go home. Grade: Miraculous. A- (downgraded for the redundant trade)
Perhaps the most disappointing team in the league this year is Semi-Precious. They finished at 5-8 with a mere 78 points per game. This is a team that had Adrian Peterson, David Wilson, Andre Johnson, Gronk, Seattle D, Jordy Nelson and Eli Manning coming out of the auction. Peterson went from being the best player in the league to being only one of the best RBs in the league. Wilson fumbled too much then had a season-ending injury. Miles Austin was an OK pick in the second, Alshon Jeffery was an awesome pick in round 7. Though they got Andre Brown and a #4 pick for him, they may regret passing him along (especially when Natural Disaster wanted Jordy Nelson). Andre Johnson has been the 10th best WR this year, Nelson the 12th. Jeffery though is in at #6. Since becoming a starter in week 3, Jeffery has averaged 13.8 points per game including two 200+ yard games and three others with 100+. On the other hand, Andre Brown has averaged 14.2 points per game since getting back to the lineup in week 10, which is the 7th best per game average in the league. Semi-P made exactly two waiver pickups during the year and two trades, giving up Adrian Peterson for a #1 pick as well as the aforementioned deal. On paper, that team coming out of the auction should have been a monster. When Eli opened the season with a pick-six on a screen pass, things started looking bleak. Having three (or four) of their best players all play WR (indeed even Michael Floyd is in as the #23 best WR) and having Peterson put up 53% of his rushing yards in the last 5 weeks didn't help. Curiously, Semi-P went 0-6 against their own division (again the weaker of the two, statistically, and 5-2 against the Quakes. All in, it's a season of false promise for the Semi-Ps. You may think you want what she was having... Grade: F (as in Faking)
That leaves the Camel Jockeys and the Disasters. The Camel Jockeys finished 4-8-1 with a 75.5 ppg average. They were slightly unlucky with 84 points scored against. As mentioned last week, the most remarkable part of their season was their consistent mediocrity, never topping 86 points and never dropping below 61. Their season went downhill with Matty Ice and the Atlanta passing game's disappearance. When Chris Johnson ($44, ranked 12th in RBs) and Pierre Garcon ($15, ranked 20th in WRs) failed to impress, that did not help. Vernon Davis ($12, ranked 3rd in TEs) has been great when healthy, putting up 9+ seven times. Having traded their #1 pick last year, their top pick was Chris Ivory, who had flashes of decent play when healthy. TY Hilton looked great until Reggie Wayne got hurt. Kenny Britt disappeared. They did draft Kendall Wright in the 12th round, only to cut him before week 2 in favor of Dallas Clark. If I'd told you Matt Ryan would end up the regular fantasy season tied with Green Bay QBs, you'd take that, right? Not if it was 2 points better than Cleveland though... They did work the waiver wire early and often, but failed to find much of value. Trading Rashad Jennings and their #4 pick to the Disasters for Pierre Thomas... did not work well. When McFadden suffered his annual injury that next week, Jennings suddenly became Adrian Peterson, averaging 15.8 per game since the trade (OK, Peterson averaged 16.2 this year, but still, Rashad Jennings???). Jennings had put up 20 points total in the first 7 games, then 79 in the last 5. Put another way, his 833 yards from scrimmage this season are almost more than any other two seasons he's had. And we have 4 games to play. All in, the Jockeys demonstrate the vagaries of Fantasy Football as they did not get directly affected by injuries, but Ryan and Hilton both had their seasons waylaid by other people's injuries. Grade: a solid D+, draft was better than this, but season management brings it down.
Last and least, we come to Natural Disaster, 5-8 with a thoroughly average 83 points per game, they survived having 91.4 per game scored against them, which was just shy of the second-best point total for points scored in the league on offense (3 points shy). They lost four games with 85 or more points, including losing the game they set their high score for the season with 103. The Disasters had no lucky wins and only one missed chance, losing 79-70. As mentioned in weeks past, their biggest single mistake was in trading Calvin Johnson just before he went nuts - he averaged 11 points per game, not counting the late scratch in week 5, for the Disasters and 23.5 points per game for the Wombats. The main point is 1-5 is too soon to give up on the season. It is likely that keeping Calvin would have netted the Disasters two more wins, looking at who actually played for them vs what CJ did that day. 7-6 with the extra 75 points puts them just 9 points behind Team Gump. Add back Marshawn Lynch and Russell Wilson and they probably win that tie-breaker. The Auction went OK for the Disasters, with Wilson, Lynch and Calvin. They traded their #1 pick to miss the playoffs last year, and got only Pierre Thomas and Bilal Powell with their next two, followed by someone named Ballard, who I don't even remember. I think he played for Indy or something. With Heyward-Bey, Vincent Brown, Percy Harvin (still waiting) and Greg Little, they failed to uncover any helpful players in the draft, outside 2-3 games from Powell in the first 5. It is safe to say that the Disasters' 59 waiver transactions and trades were the most in the league. Some of those players were helpful, including keeper Zac Stacy and solid starters Kendall Wright and Donald Brown. Picking up Andre Brown and trading him for Alshon Jeffery (with their extra #4 pick) seems like a win/win for both teams. Trading Wilson for Andre Ellington seems like a waste, but adding Doug Martin could pay dividends if he looks healthy next pre-season. With Stacy, three #1 picks, Martin and Jeffery, Disaster figures to have at least a passable team next year. It'll be interesting to see how they blow it. All in, it was truly a Disastrous season, flailing about for useful players. I am reminded of the immortal words of Socrates who said "I drank what?"
