Watchdog - what's a meta for?

Separating the men from the mice is not always as easy as falling off a bicycle. Separating Enchilada teams from the Toilet Bowl bound is like taking candy from a baby who is falling off a log though, and that is a tune of a different color. At mid-season, we'll separate the teams into their appropriate categories.

"Like a bull in the headlights":

Hundering Turd (1-6) - what do you do when your dreams come true and it's not quite like you planned? When you get the #1 scoring player in all of Fantasy Football for $15 and you're 1-6, something has gone tragically wrong. But how bad was this team really (before they pulled the plug)? They are the worst defensive fantasy team in the league, with 669 points against so far this year. Put another way, only Pep & Cheez has scored more points than whoever is playing the Turd each week. In their first 5 games, the fewest points scored against them was 91.

Tim & Kumar (0-7) - alertly traded for Matt Forte (#2 in scoring among non-QBs) before the season and for Darren Sproles during (16th), and yet...

Sprockets (1-6) - kudos for holding onto MJD despite a semi-decent trade offer from Natural Disaster, with Coach Feldman stating "we still can win this thing!" Whichever thing that is, I do not know, but I truly appreciate the attitude.

"Six dozen of one, half of the other":

Dale's Doormats (2-5), 3 games out of a playoff spot with 6 to play. Strangely, Roofiesburger and the Sanchize are 7th and 8th in QB scoring this year. Like bad scramble-golfers, one of them has outscored the other by more than 10 only twice so far this year. Sanchize has won 4 weeks, Roofie 3 weeks, including "beating" Sanchize 9-4 in week 4 scoring.

Semi-P (3-4), 535 points scored ranks 12th in the league, but they're one game out of the playoffs and they have the #1 scoring player in the league outside QBs in Calvin Johnson. Having Hightower out for the year bodes well for Torain. Mendenhall and Stevie Johnson, Gates and Gronkowski - this is a nice team other than at QB. Cutler is not going to get it done, so until they trade for Newton (or even Sanchize), they remain in the long-shot category.

Fatties (3-4), two games out with 6 to play - McFadden's injury could hardly have happened at a worse time. Fortunately they were alert enough to have Michael Bush already. Brady will of course keep them in contention each week. Benson picked a bad week to get suspended, with Bush on a bye. At least they have Muchostinko on the bench finally.

Dunder Mifflin (3-4), those pesky 4-game losing streaks do put a damper on things. Chris Johnson being on a pace for 700 yards rushing does not help. Stafford and Steve Smith can still carry this team. Question is, where?

"Dance with the horse that brought you":

Brokerage (4-3) - I'd feel a lot better about their chances if Ponder makes teams eschew the 10-men in the box strategy so often employed against Adrian Peterson when McNabb played QB. Vick, Lloyd, Bryant and Steelers D give them good-to-great performance. So Coach Lubert is now a big Ponder fan - think about that!

Wombats (5-2) - I'd feel a whole lot better about their chances if Eli wasn't so stinky, but he's decent as a fantasy QB, if not an actual QB. Giants' schedule gets tough after this week. A healthy Yo Arian and Colston goes a long way to putting this team into the next category.

Natural Disaster (6-1) - I'd feel a whole lot better about their chances if Philip Rivers wasn't 402nd in the passer rankings. Wasn't he supposed to be a top-6 QB? Seriously, he's got 3 more points than Grossman! Still, Rice and Jackson, Nicks, Fred Davis and #1 kicker (on average scoring) Dan Bailey gives this team enough depth to contend without a big year from Rivers. If he reverts to past form, they move up to Elite status. Meantime, despite the fancy record, with a mere 508 points scored against in 7 weeks, the jury is still out. Put another way, this would be like playing the Sprockets every week (no offense Kevin).

I in I/R (4-3) - When they get Andre Johnson back, with Bradshaw and Vernon Davis, along with that QB they traded for, I/R moves up to Elite status if Felix Jones can reclaim his starting job from DeMarco Murray or if Battle becomes at all useful. Could they trade Tebow for more help?

"Keep your eye on the tiger!"

Red Bandits (5-2) - Romo, Austin, Jennings and Steven Jackson, Owen Daniels, Gostkowski and Ravens D - their one weakness is second RB, where they rely on Beanie or Alfonso Smith for Arizona, or Addai or Monterio Hardesty. If they had any one top 5 player, they'd be even further up the rankings.

Team Gump (6-1) - Drew Brees, Michael Turner, Pierre Thomas, Dwayne Bowe, Devin Hester, Akers and Jets' D. With Brees, they have that firepower to give them a chance to win any game.

Pep & Cheez (6-1) - #1 in scoring, Matt Schaub, McCoy, Fitzgerald, Graham, Hanson and Eagles D - McCoy is second in scoring average (Jahvid Best is top 10), Fitzgerald and Graham are top notch. How good has Graham been? He's scored 40% more points than the second-highest scoring TE in the league (Gronk). Hanson is 4th in scoring average for kickers at age 41 (though I have more hair than him, so there!).