Watchdog - the Whole Enchilada

"WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I just want to thank God for this award, because I feel God in this Enchilada tonight." - Pam Beasley (or was it Coach Davey?)

Now I don't want to say that Dunder Mifflin is the first Echilada Champion to finish the regular season dead last in total scoring. They were. And I don't want to say they became the lowest scoring Enchilada Champion in league history. They did. But like the 2008 Mighty E-Head they certainly picked a good time to go on a 6-game winning streak! Must have been that key trade they made with Natural Disaster - picking up key bench players like Randy Moss and Aaron Hernandez as well as Ryan Torain, who was released outright in favor of Maurice Morris before week 12 (who himself was released in favor of Javarris James, who had also been recently released by Natural Disaster just the week before). So you see, that trade was huge for the Office in much the same way that unloading Babe Ruth was good for the Red Sox. (Fat ol' tub was never that good a pitcher anyway.) In the four weeks immediately following the trade (which some league members thought Dunder got robbed in!) they went 1-3 with a 62.0 point per game average. So clearly the trade was instrumental. Their six-game winning streak started, coincidentally, with a 64-53 win over same Natural Disaster. They followed that up by trouncing the Fatties 107-46 and averaged 90.8 ppg over the last 5 of the streak. Their prize of course will be paid in Shrute Bucks.

As for the Fatties, what can we really say? They dominated the 2010 season the way few teams ever have, outscoring the 2nd-best scoring team in the league by almost 7.5 points per game. They were 40 points clear of the field after week one and never looked back. Perhaps they should have. After week 11, they were averaging over 102 points per game. Over their last 4 games, they averaged just 67.25. Philip Rivers averaged over 26 ppg for the first 11 weeks, then just 17 in the Fatties last 4 games. Chris Johnson averaged over 15 ppg over the first 11 weeks, then just 7.5 over the Fatties' last 4 games. Darren McFadden averaged 16 for the 8 games he played in the first 11 weeks, then just 11.25 in the last 4, not counting the 38 he put up during the Fatties' bye week. Oh by the way, Josh Freeman threw for 5 TDs Sunday. Add that to Santonio Holmes' 69 yards and a TD, they did have enough points to top Dunder Mifflin. (Though to be fair, how do you play Freeman over Rivers, particularly with the Chargers playing Cincinnati?)

For the Turd it was time to pull out all the stops in the Constipation Bowl. Coming to the finish line like the greatest Flonkerton athletes in the world, they needed a big game from the light-headed Aaron Rodgers against their beloved Giants. How does 4 TDs and 404 yards passing grab ya? Getting just enough from Addai, Green-Ellis, Rowdy Roddy White and a dominant Rams' D (led by former Giants D-Coordinator) it was a game I feel confident in saying that the Turd would just as soon have lost. For all that, they still needed at least one point from Visanthe Shiancoe in the Tuesday Night Football game, which they finally did get midway through the third quarter. And just like that, the Turd had conquered the Constipation Bowl.

Like Michael Scott struggling just to survive minute after minute in the harsh Pennsylvania wilderness, I in I/T weathered a 37-point beat-down by Semi-Precious in week 13. Then they rebounded, edging Tim & Kumar in the first round of the playoffs (by a mere 42). But just when you thought they might survive all the way to the Enchilada title, they got up-ended by the Fatties in the semi-finals. Once in the Constipation Bowl, I/T made a go of it, by getting as many points from Kellen Winslow II as he had in his best two games of the season prior to Sunday to make things interesting. But when Andre Johnson pulled a Bananas Foster (showing up in street clothes with no prior warning) after scoring 63 in the previous 4 weeks, I/T had too much to overcome.

And in the Toilet Bowl, once again the Red Bandits were crowned victorious. That award is supposed to say "BUSIEST Beaver." We can have that fixed. Perhaps not as sweet as winning the Enchilada last year, but back-to-back titles nonetheless.

For Pep & Cheez, from draft day to losing their last two games of the regular season to miss the playoffs then making a run in the Toilet Bowl, they once again seemed a little confused. Like Dwight unknowingly putting up sketches of himself (but with a porn-stache) as a serial flasher, P&C left Matt Cassel's 32 on the bench. But in the end, it would not have mattered. The Bandits were just too tough.

So congratulations Dunder Mifflin! And thanks everyone for a great season! Running this league without you, well, it would have been really hard. ("That's what she said.")