Nostramoosus Returns

One of the great seers of our time, perhaps of all time, is of course Nostramoosus, the mystical monk from the the mountains near the Monangahela. The Watchdog has humbly approached Nostramoosus with a humble request to offer his prognostications for the playoffs. And Nostramoosus said "I knewest you were going to say that."




And lo, the Corpulent ones and the Hundering ones shall labor for near a fortnight of Sundays and Mondays (and the occassional Thursday) and on the fourteenth week, they shall rest. But they shall rise again the next week and enter the great fray known as the Whole Enchilada.


Those lowly teams that are not worthy to scrape the muck out of the Corpulent Ones' little sandals with those funny little points underneath shall do battle, but it shall be a massacre on both sides.

On one sideth, there shall be An I in I/T and they shall rompeth over Tim & Kumareth, despite leaving 17 points on their bencheth. And what is worse for the smaller of I/T's foes are the woes of Graham Gano's and subsequently those for the city of the District. For this slog-toed fool shall haveth a chance to send the Skins of Crimson into extra time with a simple point after kick. But he shall misseth it badly and misery shall descend upon all who root for that team. If only they had a Super Bowl winning coach. Or a Field General who hast at least beeneth to the big game. Or an owner who would spend whatever it tooketh to get the very best, or at least the very largest of players. (And yes, the caption says "Graham Gano, Best placekicker in college football")

And on the other sideth two shall battle: those whose players are always "Taken" but who neverthelesseth shall finish with the second most points in the league shall cross swords with those fools and bumblers from Mifflin a-Dunder who will finish dead last in points scored for the yeareth. And like David against the great giant, Michael Scott shall take a stone and sling it, and the boys (and girls) from Scranton shall slayeth the Gumpsters. Without working up much of a sweat either.

But there shall be much gnashing of teeth and wailing in the city of Walla Walla for they shall have their game against the Pizza Boyz lockethed up until there shall be but twenty and one seconds left in the last game of the week. And then it shall come to pass that the Great Fighter, who shouldest have been suspended but was not, shall catch a pass for the Texans and then Jacoby Jones shall catch another. And blow upon blow, the Pizza Boyz shall rain down upon the Wombats of Walla Walla and by their raining blows, the Boyz shall reign. For a time.

And behold, the Watchdog shall proclaim day upon day, week upon week, even month upon month that the Field General of the Striped Cats doth sucketh and none shall heed. But on the day of the Great Battle, one called Dale shall finally hear and heed, and Palmer shall be benched for another General who had been benched six times and three times more, one who playeth for the City by the Bay. And lo, that Smith shall rise up and deliver just enough points to vanquish the Watchdog's favorite team. And truly it shall be a Natural Disaster. (Nevermindeth that the Disaster shall have enough points on its bencheth to nearly winneth the game outrighteth.)

Then it shall come to pass that the lowliest team in the land, the Sprockets from lower than LA-LA Land, shall rise up cut loose their End who was Tight named Bo, but he shall scoreth two touchdowns just to spiteth the Sprockets. But it shall matter not, for the Brees shall blow and the Bowling Ball named Tolbert shall roll, and the Branch of the tree of Deion shall bring forth fruit a-plenty and the Mighty Brokerage shall fall. And it shall help that the Steelers D doeth playeth the barfy Bengals and the aforementioned Putrid Palmer.

(the caption says "Because I can show you and still beat you")

And the first shall be last, and the last shall be first, which doeth giveth hope to the Ones that Gollum doeth liketh (a little at least). For there is always next year to waiteth upon, as fans of the Mets doeth well know. (Or 2012 as the case mayest be...) But for the Bandits of Scarlet, there will always be last year, for from their reign of pain, they shall abstain. Yet wait, they may yet winneth the Bowl of the Toilet! What does my crystal ball sayeth? Tis a bit cloudy. Cometh ye back next weeketh and see. That shall be $10 if it please thee!