You know, people are always asking me, Watchdog, where do you get your ideas for themes every week. Well it's Rolling Stone of course. No, sorry. They just come to me. Except for this week. So this week will be random thoughts and stupid statistics.
How good is Peyton Manning this year? He is on a pace for over 5800 yards and 58 TDs, both NFL records. He is in fact taking the rest of us to shcool (or is that - shhh - he's cool!). Fantasy-wise, he has scored 82 points more than Drew Brees, the #2 best fantasy QB, through 8 weeks. How good are the Mad Dogs? If you substitute say Tony Romo for Manning, their total points goes from #1 in the league to the league average. So if you're looking for a dominant team, Fred Jackson, Stevan Ridley, AJ Green, Eric Decker, Greg Olsen, Nick Folk and Carolina D, with no bench to speak of other than Boykin and Cobb. Put another way, Manning has over 37% of the 4Ms' league-leading 776 points on the season. The Mad Dogs are just 5-3 though and heading into Manning's bye week this week. What team gets the benefit of playing the Mad Dogs when Peyton is on his bye? That would be the Hundering Turd. Who is the Turd's QB? That would be Brees.
I have opined in the past that Drew Brees will cover for a multitude of sins, but even Brees couldn't cover for the effort the Turd put up this week. The Turd, on the season, has gotten 32.5% of their points from Brees, but a less impressive 32.5% as the Turd have scored a mere 649 on the season, 23.5 points below the league average. In week 8, Brees accounted for 42 of the Turd's 59 points, with Coach Ingrey not getting the memo that Spiller and James Jones were both late scratches. MJD's 11 points would have gotten them close and Lance Moore's 9 would have gotten them a 79-78 win over the Steel Trojans. Strangely for the Turd, Giovanni Bernardo got only 18 yards rushing in the Bengals' blow-out of the Jets. Will the Turd make a move for one of the top backs languishing on bad fantasy teams? At 5-3 and tied for the division lead in the Quakes division, it might make sense to bring in some more players.
How good is Calvin Johnson? Above is Calvin Johnson / Spiderman delivering pizza for Natural Disaster. As you no doubt are aware, he had 329 yards receiving against Dallas on Sunday, when the Cowboys had their best coverage guy on him and often had him double and triple-teamed. Below is Calvin / Spiderman after the trade. What did Natural Disaster do to him that he should have gotten 65 of his 120 points on the season in the last two weeks? The investigation is on-going. The previous six weeks, playing for ND, he averaged 11 points per game, not counting his no-show against Green Bay.
This included going for 3 against Minnesota and 2 against Cleveland. He has 821 yards receiving on the year, with 484 of those coming in the two games since being traded. For all you Lions and Wombats fans out there: You're welcome. The Wombats win their fifth straight and improve to 6-2, tied with the Trojans for best record in the league.
One of the most surprising outbursts of the weekend was that of Andy Dalton, who went for 44 against the otherwise top-5 (NFL-wise if not fantasy-wise) Jets D. That Dalton had put up 32 in back-to-back weeks should not be held against Coach Dale for keeping him on the bench - after all, those games were against Buffalo and Detroit. Now Cincy QBs have 108 points total in the last 3 weeks. Do they get the call against Miami this week? At 4-4 and tied for the 3rd playoff spot in the Quakes, Coach Dale can ill-afford another 65-point effort, this one losing to the putrid Semi-P team. Also unfortunate for Coach Dale that Chris Ivory followed up his 34 carry, 104 yard game against New England in week 7 with a 6 carry, 11 yard game against Cincy. If only they had a good RB they could count on!
It was the 6-2 Steel Trojans who eked out a 78-59 win against the Turd, putting up their second straight win despite a mere 13 from Bobby Griffin and zero from Darren Sproles. ST does have passable depth at RB, with DeAngelo Williams, Joique Bell and Steven Jackson, which will be put to the test this week with Detroit on a bye. Indeed with the Vacator, Wes Welker, Anquan Boldin and Bell on a bye in week 9, ST will be hard-pressed to come up with a win. What? They're playing Natural Disaster this week? Never mind. As ND is about to find out, you don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't molest Alligators and you don't stand a chance against the Steel Trojans.
From the "blind luck" category, who is the luckiest team in the league so far this year? That would be the Camel Jockeys, in at 4-4 despite losing this week. They have scored the second-least points on the season, 74.5 points below league average. They've won games with the following point totals: 84, 82, 75 and 61. Conversely, Team Gump has lost games while scoring 80, 87 and 109 this year. Does it make sense for Coach Haas to get some players? Peyton Hillis has been passable the last couple weeks, but will have to contend with Andre Brown and David Wilson getting healthy soon enough. Snelling had a run of competency earlier in the year. Matty Ice we know is talented, but the Falcons are cooked for the year and Julio is out for the year, Roddy has never gotten healthy. CJ2.0 and Vernon Davis are good. Jets D has played well on the field, but not produced turnovers or TDs. But hey, if you're rolling, you roll with it right? Hoo-ah!
So what does it look like when Superman loses his powers? It was TBD who drubbed the Camel Jockeys, putting an end to their three game winning streak. This they did despite more putrid play from Tom Brady, who, on a points per game basis is now the 31st best QB in our league, ahead of only Jacksonville. Let that digest for a bit. TBD would have been 25% better off per week going with Cleveland QBs (who are available, strangely enough!) than Brady. Nevertheless, with McFadden, Bell, Foster, Josh Gordon, Jimmy Graham and Blair Walsh, TBD can still be dangerous if Brady can find his mojo. They did improve to 3-5 with the win and are just 1 game out of a playoff spot with 5 to play.
Remember when Chris Farley was the weatherman on the weather channel? That was awesome. Team Gump improved to 4-4 with an 84-68 win over Pep and Cheez, weathering Luck's bye week. Whether or not they can weather Julius Thomas' ankle will depend on whether Jason Witten can provide more consistency. He's had two games of 18+ and six games of 6 or less, with nothing in between. Now that Luck has had his bye, would Alex Smith be available for trade? Coach Fred is taking offers even as we speak!
Has Pep & Cheez been exposed? They fell to 3-5 on the season and down to 2 out of a playoff spot. They are as close to league average as any team in the league in terms of both fantasy offense and defense. Cam Newton has stepped up his game with three 30+ point games in his last 5. The problem is in the other two games he combined for 30. Jamal Charles and Steve Johnson were passable this week, but the rest of the gang not so much. Auction purchase Dwayne Bowe was shut out for the second time this year and has just 38 points on the season, good for just 4.8 points per game, good for 72nd best in the league. Maybe he'd better introduce himself to Alex Smith? Put another way, free agent Doug Baldwin has three games with 8 or more and 40 points on the season. Put yet another way, there are 10 current free agents who are not injured and have more points than Bowe.
One of my kids' favorite jokes goes like this: How do you get out of an elephant's stomach? You run around and around until you're all pooped out. Which brings us to There Is an I in I/T, which is almost without a doubt the worst team in the league over the first 8 weeks. They have scored 105.5 points less than the league average. The only reason they've won three games is they've had the third-least points scored against them so far this year. If only they could play themselves somehow? That said, their three wins, they have put up 98, 93 and 89 points, including the 89-67 win this week over Brokerage. The closest they've come to "unlucky" is losing 85-81 against the 4M Mad Dogs in week 4. If Kaepernick is ready to start being a QB again, and with alert pickup of Daniel Thomas along with Cecil Shorts and Emanuel Sanders they're not that bad. But there are no stars on the team if Kaepernick continues to be average (13th best QB). I don't think any of us former Philip Rivers owners are ready for him to be a legit starting QB again.
It was indeed Team Brokerage who found themselves on the losing end of an I/T beatdown this week, dropping their record to 4-4. They continue to struggle to find a real QB, going again with Ryan Tannehill over Wacko for Flacco and whoever the Bucs are sending out there. Could the Cowboys or Packers QBs be pried away from the Wombats? Would the Fatties trade Tennessee QBs after the Lions' bye this week? Is anyone paying attention in this league? Tune in next week, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!
One of the unluckiest teams to date has definitely been Semi-P, losing games with 92 and 98 points in the first four weeks of the season. Coupled with a 124-point outburst in week one, they could've been 3-1 to start the year. Since then, they've not topped 72 points, so clearly something is amiss in Semi-P-Land. Let's look closer, shall we? I knew you would. OK, their QBs are Pick-Six Manning and Kellen Clemens (???). Adrian Peterson is fine, but disappointing. Jordy Nelson is excellent, and Andre Johnson and Alshon Jeffery have been great. Gronk is healthy. They have no #2 RB. Gould and Seattle D are excellent. Will Manning pick up his play the second half? The G-men have the WRs to make him playable. Is a 3 game gap with 5 to play too much to make up? Given that there are four teams ahead of them and the team holding the last playoff spot is leading the league in points, really they're four back with five to play. Draft picks anyone?
I have opined in the past that Drew Brees will cover for a multitude of sins, but even Brees couldn't cover for the effort the Turd put up this week. The Turd, on the season, has gotten 32.5% of their points from Brees, but a less impressive 32.5% as the Turd have scored a mere 649 on the season, 23.5 points below the league average. In week 8, Brees accounted for 42 of the Turd's 59 points, with Coach Ingrey not getting the memo that Spiller and James Jones were both late scratches. MJD's 11 points would have gotten them close and Lance Moore's 9 would have gotten them a 79-78 win over the Steel Trojans. Strangely for the Turd, Giovanni Bernardo got only 18 yards rushing in the Bengals' blow-out of the Jets. Will the Turd make a move for one of the top backs languishing on bad fantasy teams? At 5-3 and tied for the division lead in the Quakes division, it might make sense to bring in some more players. 
How good is Calvin Johnson? Above is Calvin Johnson / Spiderman delivering pizza for Natural Disaster. As you no doubt are aware, he had 329 yards receiving against Dallas on Sunday, when the Cowboys had their best coverage guy on him and often had him double and triple-teamed. Below is Calvin / Spiderman after the trade. What did Natural Disaster do to him that he should have gotten 65 of his 120 points on the season in the last two weeks? The investigation is on-going. The previous six weeks, playing for ND, he averaged 11 points per game, not counting his no-show against Green Bay. 
So what does it look like when Superman loses his powers? It was TBD who drubbed the Camel Jockeys, putting an end to their three game winning streak. This they did despite more putrid play from Tom Brady, who, on a points per game basis is now the 31st best QB in our league, ahead of only Jacksonville. Let that digest for a bit. TBD would have been 25% better off per week going with Cleveland QBs (who are available, strangely enough!) than Brady. Nevertheless, with McFadden, Bell, Foster, Josh Gordon, Jimmy Graham and Blair Walsh, TBD can still be dangerous if Brady can find his mojo. They did improve to 3-5 with the win and are just 1 game out of a playoff spot with 5 to play.
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