Watchdog - FEAR THE GUMP!

Forrest Gump: I WON WATCHDOG!
Watchdog: GUUUUUUMP! Why did you put that team together so well, Gump?
Forrest Gump: Because you told me to, Watchdog?
Watchdog: Outstanding, Gump!
Yes it's true! Team Gump is your 2011 PCFFL Champion! Congratulations to Coach Fred and all the Holborn guys! How did they do it? Big picture, it's simply Drew Brees being better than (nearly) anyone else. Drilling down, they made what seemed a solid, aggressive trade for a top RB, picking up Matt Forte, only to watch him go down with a season ending knee just 4 weeks after picking him up. Fortunately, Pierre Thomas picked up the slack, scoring 30 points in the last three weeks. They got enough from Michael Turner to make it work. Turner finished 7th in RB scoring (though nearly 100 behind LeSean McCoy). David Akers was a remarkably consistent kicker, totalling 156 points (10.4 ppg) and never putting up less than 6. Dwayne Bowe was their top WR with 128 points on the season, nearly 100 points fewer than Calvin Johnson. They did not have another WR in the top 40. They never got anything consistently from their TE (Anthony Fasano was their best at #21 ranked for the year), but did have two of the top 10 defenses in the Jets and Bills. Having Cam Newton certainly didn't hurt, but he rarely played ahead of NFL MVP candidate Brees. I imagine he'll play for the Gumpsters next season though!



Bubba Blue: Have you ever been on a real shrimp boat?
Forrest Gump: No, but I've been on a real big boat.
So how did the finals go? The Wombats were looming "real big" through the Sunday Night game, with a 22-point lead, going against Brees and Thomas, but with Colston to help offset Brees. The X-factor though was the chase for Marino's record. From the beginning, it was clear the Saints were going to make sure Brees got the 305 yards he needed, putting up 208 yards and three TDs in the first half. Pouring salt on the wound, with the game well in hand under 5 minutes to go in the 4th quarter, Brees picked up the final 32 yards and one more TD, making a 3-point game into the 11-point final margin of victory.

Bubba: My given name is Benjamin Buford Blue, but people call me Bubba. Just like one of them ol' redneck boys. Can you believe that?
Forrest Gump: My name's Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump.

Yes, the Wombats had enough points on their bench in Arizona QB and Nate Burleson to force a tie, but Team Gump also left 19 on the bench with the Bills D. How was the Wombats' season? They had the #7 QB in Eli, though he was 118 behind Brees and 155 behind Rodgers. They had two of the top 5 RBs in Foster and Lynch, which is even better than it looks as Foster had a total of 3 points in the first three weeks and led the league in points per game among RBs, while Lynch finished just as strong, putting up the same average score (18.8 ppg) over the last 8 weeks, including ending the 49ers' streak of games without allowing a rushing TD in week 16. Maques Colston finished 16th in WR scoring despite missing three weeks with a shoulder. Antonio Brown was 25th and they alertly picked up Heyward-Bey, who finished 34th despite putting up no points in four games due to injuries (his own and his quarterback's). They had the 5th-ranked TE in Aaron Hernandez wtih 108 points on the season (a mere 103 points behind GRONK!). They had the #2 kicker in the league in John Kasay. And they had the #7 team D in Green Bay, which is odd because they're the #32-ranked NFL D in terms of yards allowed.

My momma always said, "Fantasy Football is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

Well, the battle for the Constipation Bowl ended rather anti-climatically, with the Red Bandits putting up a pedestrian 87 while Natural Disaster struggled to break 60. The Bandits got at least 7 from each starter, but no more than 18 from anyone. They endured a boo-boo to Tony Romo as his annual December collapse loomed large again (though I probably shouldn't say that until AFTER this week's game against the G-men). Romo was the #6 QB on the season (16 points better than Eli). They had the #13 and 15 best RBs on the season in Steven Jackon and Beanie Wells. They had three WRs average 10 ppg or more in Jennings, Austin and Julio Jones. Jermaine Gresham was a valuable find at TE, the 11th best ppg at that position. Gostkowski was the #4 ranked kicker and the Ravens' D was third-best in the league with 151 points.

Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: Have you found Jesus yet, Gump?
Forrest Gump: I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him, sir.
For Natural Disaster, no one was more disappointing than Phil Rivers, especially down the stretch when he was benched for the week 15 matchup and should have been benched for the week 16 game in favor of Christian Ponder. As bad as that was, Fred "Pineapple Express" Davis was worse - the 6th rated TE in points per game got busted for repeatedly putting up the "Randy Moss Memorial J for Effort" and missed the last four games of the fantasy season. It would have been more palatable if he had just injured his groin the way Fred Jackson did. And despite ND's reputed depth at RB, they were left scrambling after Jackson went down. Kevin Smith seemed to offer a ray of hope, but the perpetually injured back was only healthy when ND had him on the bench, putting up 45 in those two games vs the 22 in the three games ND started him. ND finished with three of the top 20 WRs and four of the top 30, but other than a suddenly-hot Roddy White, no one consistently put up points. Davis' dopey-ness wouldn't have been so bad if Jake Ballard hadn't gotten hurt just in time for the playoffs. ND had Dan Bailey, the #3 kicker in the league, but never got consistent points from their D (thanks Broncos!).

Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That- that's about it.

In what has to be the highest-scoring Toilet Bowl ever, the Fatties edged out Semi-Precious 109-103 despite being Shanahaned with Roy "You say goodbye and I say" Helu waiving goodbye from the sidelines. The Fatties rode Tom Brady in the Toilet Bowl finale and all season, despite his mid-season "struggles". Brady put up 427 which sounds impressive, but was over 4 points per game worse than Rodgers. The Fatties' best RB was Michael Bush, who put up 14.3 ppg after McFadden went down for the season. Between the two, they had the 6th-best RB in the league with 231 points. Jonathan Stewart was useful as a #2 RB, making up for Heisman winner wash-out Mark Ingram's 77 points. Brandon Marshall was surprisingly good (#11) considering he had no discernable talent on offense around him. The Fatties could have done better (read - "anything") to replace Jeremy Maclin when he got hurt. Damian Williams? Please. There were many WRs available on waivers over the last half of the season. Brandon Pettigrew finished 12th in points among TEs, four points behind Fred "One Toke Over the Line". Matt Bryant finished 9th among Ks with 117, three points per game behind Akers. And Bengals D finished 11th. Put it all together and the biggest difference between the Fatties and Gumpsters was the kicker.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Semi-P just came up short in the Toilet Bowl, despite having to rely on Rex Grossman (20th-best QB) when Cutler got hurt, but before you start getting all tuned up, Cutler was 16th-best points per game. Rashard Mendenhall was the 18th-best RB. They had no one else in the top 40 at RB. The strength of Semi-P was at WR, with Calvin Johnson (#1 overall), Jordy Nelson (#4) and Stevie Johnson (#21), and at TE with GRONK (#1 overall) and Antonio Gates (#5 TE in points per game). SP severely lacked in Kicking, with Nick Folk placing 23rd behind 7 free agents (not counting injured guys). Of those 7, five would have given them enough points in the Toilet Bowl to win the title. SP? That's your boat...

Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: Where are you boys from in the world?
Forrest Gump, Bubba: Alabama, sir!
Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: You twins?
Forrest Gump: No, we are not relations Sir.

Among the teams to be sitting at home week 16, Pep & Cheez and I in I/T had the best seasons. Pep & Cheez's Enchilada chances were flushed when Schaub and then Leinart got hurt for Houston and Campbell for the Raiders, leaving them with TJ Yates and the artist formerly known as Carson Palmer. Shaub's 19.5 ppg was at least "passable" if you'll pardon the expression, particularly if you have LeSean McCoy, as P&C did. Jahvid Best's injury was a killer as he was 10th in points per game on the season at 13.3. Interestingly, his eventual replacement, Kevin Smith was 11th at 13.2. Larry Fitzgerald and Mike Wallace were 5th and 8th in WR scoring while Jimmy Graham was 2nd among TEs. Jason "Mmm-bop" Hanson was 8th among kickers. Hanson remains the only kicker in the NFL to have kicked for Washington at Valley Forge. And the Eagles' D finished 4th in the league despite being wildly inconsistent (5 times they had 5 or fewer, 5 times they had 13 or more). So Pep & Cheez's season came down to having to rely on the brittle Matt Schaub, not having a proper back-up and being unable/unwilling to make a trade. Seems like Matty Ryan (22.5 ppg) or Tim Tebow (21.3 ppg) wouldn't have cost much. Palmer averaged 18.0 ppg over his last 7 starts while Yates averaged 13.

And last but not least, let's check in on Bubba Blue, AKA I/T. Trading for Rodgers would have, most years, gotten them into the Enchilada Bowl. But as previously mentioned, losing to the Sprockets in week 12 (with just 51 points, 24 by Rodgers) was the killing joke. At RB, Shonn Greene and Ahmad Bradshaw were useful when healthy, though only finished 19th and 22nd in total points among RBs. Their man-crush on Andre Johnson certainly didn't help. Nate Washington and Torrey Smith were their best WRs, finishing 17th and 23rd in WR points. Andre finished 71st among WRs, just behind someone named Parker Preston. On a more positive note, Vernon Davis was 8th among TEs and they had the 6th and 7th ranked Kickers in Rackrs and Nugent as well as the #1 and #2 ranked fantasy defenses in Detroit and San Francisco. Strangely, if Coach Eickhorst had simply alternated playing SF on the odd-numbered weeks and Detroit on the even-numbered weeks, the two would have combined to put up 226 points, or 66 more than Detroit by themselves. Oh-by-the-way, I/T would have had high points in week 16, except they had already been eliminated. Sorry.... Sorry.

And now, really last and really least, did you notice how many of the top teams had top 10 kickers? Dale's Doormats was the only exception to the rule, with Mason Crosby at the #5 Kicker. They had "good enough" at QB with Jets and Steelers. Gore was solid at RB and AJ Green a very good rookie WR. Finley was fine at TE, though had almost 25% of his points in one game. And Giants D was better than I expected. Not sure exactly how this team ended up 4-10. You could blame it on a poor fantasy Defense - 1252 points scored against them, averaging out to 89.4 points per game against. The Turd was second in that category at 87.5 ppg against.

Well, that about wraps it up for another fine fantasy football season. Thanks everyone for playing! Hope to see you all back out again next season! Stay tuned for the season-ending awards...