Watchdog - Week 11 Giving Thanks

It's always baffled me that old Garfield harped so often on some variation on the theme "I hate Mondays". Ah, Garfield. What a strange day it was when I finally realized that Garfield just wasn't very funny. Like finding out that Michael Vick, apart from last year, never was that good a fantasy football quarterback. Check out the stats - in his second-best season of his career, he averaged just under 23 points per game. This year? 23 points per game. Sorry to be the one to have to tell you that. Anyway, does it make sense to start one day in seven with a bad mood just because of the name of the day? On the other end of that scale, you have the Apostle Paul saying "Rejoice in the Lord always". Can't say I'm there either, but this seems an appropriate time of the year to stop and take stock, and perhaps even give thanks. As the commish, I want to thank you all for your participation. When I was a kid, I used to spend untold hours playing stratomatic baseball and similar games, so I'm extremely grateful to have found other geeks who enjoy this stuff too, particularly when I'm about to take so much of your money! For each team then, here are some things you might be thankful for.

Starting from the bottom and working our way up:

Tim & Kumar are thankful for Matt Forte, and to have traded him before his QB broke his thumb. The words "Caleb Hanie" are enough to send a chill into the heart of any Bears fan. Nope, I wouldn't want to have any Bears on my fantasy team for the next few weeks. Some guys just look better with the ballcap on backwards, right? T&K can be thankful to own two extra picks next year, including a first rounder, and for a two-game winning streak, which was nearly three had they started Victor Cruz instead of Mario Manningham. And they can be thankful for the Sprockets, who although they have one more win, have scored 90 fewer points than T&K this year. And you thought it might be tough to find things for a last place team to be thankful for!

Our other 2-9 team belongs to my own beloved brother. Yes, he can be thankful for Aaron Rodgers for keeping his team from being a total disaster this season. And he can be thankful for three extra draft picks next season. Maybe next year he'll be grateful to not have drafted a roster full of guys who were good five years ago. Of course, he can be thankful for Tony Gonzalez, the Firm and Dale's Doormats, all of whom helped him double his win total on the season in one short week! See, this isn't so hard!

And while the Sprockets are indeed dead last in the league in points scored this year (by nearly 10 points per week), they too have much to be grateful for. First and foremost, they can give thanks for the Wombats, a team that could have had a share of first place and a 9-2 record, but stumbled this week and gave Team Fletch their third win on the season. For some reason, they keep on being thankful for Ryan Fitzpatrick, despite the fact that Josh Freeman has outscored him in five of the last 7 weeks (and one of those two games he lost by 2 points). Coach Feldman can of course be grateful for MJD and even for the commish, who suggested two weeks before he hit the big-time that they pick up DeMarco Murray, giving them one of the top three keepers heading into next season. And as a Giants' fan, I'd be remiss if I didn't say a quick word of thanks to DeSean Jackson for not learning the lesson yet. Keep it classy, DeSean!

Ah, a tough one - Dale's Doormats. They got stuck with the harder division, going 1-5 against the other Quakes teams. With three straight losses and no obvious keepers, Coach Dale has just one true bright spot, fantasy-wise, in AJ Green. Only six rookies in NFL history have had more receiving yards in their first nine games in the NFL than Green. He has outpaced such quick-starters as Randy Moss, Andre Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald, James Lofton, Steve Largent and Keyshawn Johnson (though the guys he trails are Marques Colston, Anquan Boldin, Charlie Brown, Michael Clayton, Darnell Scott and Sammy White). Coach Dale can be grateful, however, for the chance to root for Jermichael Finley and Mason Crosby every week, and for Aaron Rodgers and the rest of that team from Wisconsin.

One of the oddities of our league is that there are no teams with exactly four wins on the season. The Fatties come in next at 5-6 with 899 points scored on the season. Like Dale's Doormats, they too drew the wrong division. They also had both the good luck and misfortune to get Tom Brady for only $22. Yes, he's Tom Brady, but again he comes up with a mere 22 points against the pathetic Chiefs, one fewer than rookie Andy Dalton managed against the Ravens. Of course, as you can see, Brady has a lot to be thankful for too, despite never winning the big one since he met Giselle Ono. So what do the Fatties have to be grateful for? Yes, that it's a keeper league, and though Brady has only topped 25 once since week 3, he's still second in the league in scoring and he'll be an easy cornerstone piece for next year. And they can be grateful that Hue Jackson doesn't believe in Running Back By Committee, giving Michael Bush 30 carries for the second straight week, his fourth straight game with 10+ points.

Team Brokerage, though Canadian Thanksgiving was last month, has much to be grateful for. Tyler Palko might be first on that list, the rookie QB giving Patriots D more than enough to earn a victory against Natural Disaster and nab them high points for the week. At 5-6, they're tied for fourth, but just one game behind second, with realing Bandits (3 consecutive losses) and the inferior Semi-P (83 fewer points on the season) ahead of them. Brokerage will have their work cut out for them, with remaining games against the Wombats and I/R. Dunder Mifflin will play Natural Disaster and the Wombats; Semi-P will play Tim & Kumar and Natural Disaster; and the Realing Bandits will play Pep & Cheez and Dale's Doormats, so no one has an easy slate, though some have easier than others.

Dunder Mifflin can of course be grateful for Mario Manningham and the fact that Victor Cruz has emerged as Eli's #1 target this season. Had Manningham, the talented WR from Michigan, lived up to his billing, T&K might have put an end to their playoff hopes this week. See the picture below? Stafford is even telling you how many TD's he's going to throw! They'll be all the more grateful if Chris Johnson remembers where he misplaced his fast shoes. And of course, Dunder will always be grateful for Billy Bernens for drafting a playoff-contending team on their behalf!

Next up is indeed Semi-P, who can also be grateful for a pinch-hitter in the draft, when Dan Brooks picked Jordy Nelson for them in the 7th round of the draft. Sometimes it is a good thing to pick up the star of the previous Super Bowl. Nelson, of course, will be grateful if Polamalu reverts to the more traditional "horse-collar tackle." And while they can be grateful that Jay Cutler will return, perhaps in time for the fantasy playoffs, they can also be grateful for the emergence of Matt Moore. Why? Because Moore has averaged 20 points a week the last three for the suddenly relevant Dolphins, which is 2 more per game than Cutler has over the same period, and because Moore is a free agent.

Ah, the Red Bandits - another tricky one. Grateful for three-game losing streaks? For choking away a sure playoff spot, going from 6-2 and first place to 6-5 and fighting for their playoff life? Perhaps not if looked at from that perspective. But, to paraphrase the great philospher Clint Hurdle, "Fantasy Football has two types of people: those who have been humbled, and those who are about to be humbled." For my part, I am grateful for the Bandits' bravado because it is that which makes this pasttime so much fun. For their part, they can be grateful for Tony Romo for scoring nearly half their points this week. If only he'd had more than 29!

One of the many other oddities of our league is that coming into this week, the Canes Division was 7-21 against the Quakes. So what happens this week? Only one Quakes team won - of course it was I in I/R, getting their 7th straight, this time over the Red Bandits. I don't hear a lot of talking from Coach Marcin lately. What's up with that? In any case, I/R can be grateful for the Turd's bad season, for making off with Aaron Rodgers for a better trade package than the Raiders gave up for Carson Palmer and for being tied for the third playoff spot, and while they're unlikely to catch Pep & Cheez or Natural Disaster, they're only 8 points behind the Wombats for the tie-breaker. And of course they can be grateful for the Sprockets as well, for upending the Wombats this week, creating the three-way tie in the Quakes Division. They'll be all the more grateful if the Sprockets will kindly roll over against them this week.

The Wombats can be thankful that Eli's schedule includes two of the worst pass defense in the league the next two weeks, in New Orleans and Green Bay. Do you think Eli is grateful he didn't have to keep this jersey? The Wombats can also be grateful for the re-emergence of Marshawn Lynch, who has averaged 14 per in his last 7 starts, and for the emergence of Chris Oingoboingo for the Browns, who has averaged 14 per in his last two games.

Pep & Cheez, they can be thankful for a 68-point lead in the race for the Wilt, with just two games to play. They can be grateful that Carson Palmer has played well enough to enable them to avoid having to resort to Matt Leinart this week. As you can tell from the picture, Leinart is grateful to be done with those terrible two-a-days. And of course, P&C is grateful for #1 running back in the league, LeSean McCoy.

And Natural Disaster is certainly grateful for the Sprockets and Gumpsters for upending the Wombats and Pizza Boyz this week. We're grateful for having fallen bass-ackwards into Kevin Smith and his 38 points and Ray Rice and Fred Jackson for being second and third in the league in RB scoring.

It may be a little strange to say "thanks for a great season" when we still have five weeks to go, but perhaps it's never a bad thing to stop and say thanks.