Does week two have you looking for that magic formula for fantasy victory? Does your team seem to have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque? Let's see if Bugs and friends can shed any light shall we? I knew that you would.
Sprockets, do you find yourself in freefall, trying to dial up ACME for the latest in roadrunner-catching gizmos? Fear not! Help is on the way! Jason Campbell seems to like having the same offense for consecutive years for the first time in his career. MJD looks healthy. Robert Meachem (Meachem? I hardly even know 'em!), DeSean Jackson and Dez Bryant will provide fireworks at WR. There's a lot here to warrant forgetting week two's 53-point debacle, dusting yourself off and chasing that elusive roadrunner one more time!
For the Turd, it does indeed appear to be Duck Season. And while getting blasted in the annual Family War may have you talking out the other side of your head, there are again reasons for optimism. Mike Williams had a TD called back by the treacherous "illegal formation" penalty (much worse than faking injuries). Devery Henderson is making the most of Marques Colston's absense. And Tony Gonzalez continues to amaze. All in all, there were more than enough points to not only beat Natural Disaster, but put up second-high score for the week. I think the main problem is of course "pronoun trouble" (shoot me now!)
Dale's Doormats seem to have gotten the wrong end of the bull this week, getting run over by Pep & Cheese by 42 points. But as Coach Dale said after the game, "You realize of course, this means war." He already is starting to reap the benefits of the Steelers' cupcake schedule, with a 298-yard bounce-back game from Roofiesburger. Blount, Gore, Finley, Crosby and even Giants D looked fiesty this week, and we may be witnessing the birth of the next great wide receiver in AJ Green. So stop steaming up Coach Dale's tail!
Semi-P may not be feeling like themselves these days. Goodness knows they feel OK, goodness knows. And with Johnson & Johnson, as well as Jordy Nelson, they have the firepower to take down the giants of the league. Getting a goose egg from Antonio Gates while leaving Gronk's 20-point day on the bench was a killer. For two weeks in a row, they've started the wrong QB and only have one good RB. Will they take a long hard look in that mirror and realize what kind of team they have? Will they realize it's a trick question - both their QBs stink? Goodness knows.
Tim & Kumar look like a team ready to soar to great heights only to find that their engine was made by ACME. That engine, Jamaal Charles, threw a gasket this week, leaving them with only one good RB and the ever dangerous combo of Kyle Orton / Alex Smith at QB. Still, they were a Dustin Keller / Vernon Davis away from a 105-point effort this week (which still would have left them splattered at the bottom of the cliff against the Fatties).
As a rule, if you have Wile E Coyote, Super Genius as your picture, things are probably not going too well so far this year. For I in I/T, trying to take advantage of Sexy Rexy's matchup against the pathetic Panthers' pass "defense" and benching Matty Ice against the vaunted Eggles' D looked pretty smart for the first three quarters of the Sunday Night game. Now I/T is 0-2 but has actually outscored the 2-0 Wombats. Ultimately, it comes back to the same truth that Wile E knows: always go with your strength (and watch out for those ACME rockets)!
Those same Wombats have dodged bullets two weeks in a row now, having edged Semi-R by 5 last week (80-75) and snuck past I/T this week (97-94). Yes, 97 points will get you a win most weeks, but other than Korn on the Kolb outscoring Eli by 2, the Wombats had their perfect lineup starting this week. That included a 3-point effort by Arian "Hamstring" Foster and a sprained MCL by superstud TE Aaron Hernandez. Other than Kornie, their bench produced a total of 10 points.
Team Brokerage seems to be looking for that elusive Planet X, the combination that will lead them to the supply of immodium phosphate (the shaving cream atom) we all so desparately need. An alert pickup of Dexter (Devin) McCluster on waivers could pay off. Keeping Reggie Bush in as a starter seems unlikely to. However, if they just follow those planets (Planet A, Planet B, Planet C and so on) and play Ryan Matthews, there's a pretty good chance of them claiming the Enchilada Bowl in the name of Canada!
Where's the kaboom? Team Gump may have left their kaboom on the bench, in the person of the Future Vacator. FV's second consecutive 400+ yard passing game gives him one more than Tom Brady had in his first 10 years as a starter. Has Drew Brees become an afterthought? An Illudium Space Modulator that fizzled out? Would Forrest dare trade one of their stud QBs to one of the above teams who so obviously need one? If they do, run for the hills folks, or you'll be up to your armpits in Martians!
If you have never seen "What's Opera Doc?" you owe it to yourself to follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQlmXU1zqfc wherein Chuck Jones & Co distill all 18 hours of Wagner's Ring of Nebilungen down to 6 minutes and 47 seconds. Does Matthew Stafford have the spear and magic helmet? Should all us wabbits be running for cover? Consider this: Dunder Mifflin left over 30 points on the bench this week, got only 5 from Chris Johnson and still put up 93 thanks in large part to Carolina and FV re-discovering Steve Smith can still play a little bit.
Did Natural Disaster find the loot? With 6 of the top 20 running backs in the league through two weeks, a top 10 QB and four top 25 WRs they may be screaming "I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm comfortably well off! I'm socially secure!" Keep in mind however, how these things always work out for Daffy. To wit: both ND's team QBs have the same bye week; three of their four WRs have the same bye week; and they are carrying only one Kicker and one D. As Daffy said, "Curse shmurse, as long as I'm rich." 
The Red Bandits got out their trusty quarter staff (actually it's a buck and a quarter quarter staff, but I'm not supposed to tell you that) and put a spin move on Team Gump this week. They had to be a little trippy when Romo got KO-ed, and perhaps even moreso when he came back, if that makes any sense. But if you've ever had Romo as your QB, you know what I mean. Getting 67 from the Romo/Austin combo is going to help win a few games. Unfortunately, the Errol Flynn of Duckdom saw Austin go down, perhaps through week 5, a return to earth for "Studebaker" Williams and a team-wide "J for Effort" by the Ravens' D against the vaunted Matt Hasselbeck passing attack. So say hello to Friar Duck.
The Fatties followed up their week one 103-point effort with a 113, firing their disintegrating pistol at Tim & Kumar and leaving only T&K's disintegrating-proof vest. Have the Patriots launched their own Ultimate Weapon in Tom Brady? 940 yards and 7 TDs in the first two games puts him on a pace for 7520 yards and 56 passing TDs, both of which, I believe would be NFL records. And before you can say "There's no way Brady can keep this up", keep in mind he's already had a 4800-yard, 50-TD season.
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