David Buehler's Week Off

I figure if I'm ever going to do this, I better get it in before Dallas wises up and cuts him. As Ferris himself so memorably said: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't quote a dated 80s movie before this crappy kicker gets cut, you're going to miss it." Or something like that. Anyway, let's take a tour through the league with Ferris:

"Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something d-o-o economics." Week four saw a return to the good old days in many ways. It's like going back to the "Big 80s," Reagan-omics and a good Mets team. So comforting. The Fatties of course are back to .500 and looking like they're on course for another typical season - in the running for points race (winning this year?) and likely missing the playoffs.

"Trust me. I'm a professional." "Professional what?" Team Brokerage looks like this year's winner of the 'let's see who can snake a top RB from the commissioner' award. A smaller award, but coveted nonetheless. After getting "Yo Arian" Foster for Randy "J for Effort" Moss, they rode Foster and his 30-point effort (in 3 quarters) to a 4-point win over Semi-P. Amazing that a QB can look as bad as Henne (and get benched even) and still put up 25 fantasy points.

"The sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude." Believe it or not, that's the Turd this week, running out to high points for the week despite a goose-egg from their tight end and starting Muchostinko instead of TO (a mere 25 point difference). Who'd have thought TO had 28 points left in him for the season? He must be a rigtheous dude! Or something... Of course the best Charlie Sheen quote from the movie is "What are you in for?" "Drugs." Somehow he makes that so believeable. What an actor...

"I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?" Dunder Mifflin made a couple of bad decisions this week - starting Ray Rice against Pitts D, having Mike Sims-Walker on their team at all much less in the starting lineup, not having Eddie Royal of the #1 passing offense in the NFL in. Even if they got all that right, it wouldn't quite have been enough to make up for playing the Turd this week. By the way, my favorite new NFL nickname this year? Giselle Ono. Another outstanding effort by Brady and his hair. I have to think if their D and Special Teams didn't put up 28 points, Brady might have worked up a sweat in this one.

"If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up." Has to be the Sprockets who continue their search for a Ferrari-like RB. They now have 7 backs on their roster. Two of them had 39 points yesterday, the other 5 totaled 5 points. No one is going to confuse Mike Tolbert (16 points yesterday) with a Ferrari - he goes at 5'9" 243 pounds.

"I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me. Good point there. After all, he was the Walrus." Pep & Cheez is running so well, they can leave LT2, Shonn Greene and TJ Housher on the bench and still roll the Sprockets. By the way, LT2 is trying to become just the 5th running back ever with 12,000 yards in a career to run for less than 1000 yards at 30+ and then come back and rush for more than 1000 in a season. Previously this was accomplished only by Franco Harris (1007 yards at a sterling 3.7 ypc), John Riggins (1347 and 1239 at a stellar 3.6 and 3.8 ypc), OJ Anderson (1023 yards at a spectacular 3.1 ypc) and Ricky Williams last year (1121 yards at a truly excellent 4.7 ypc). LT2 is almost halfway to last year's total of 730 yards through 4 games. And yes, the Jets do play Buffalo again this year.

"Do you realize that if we played by the rules right now, we'd be in gym?" Do you realize that if we still had strict rosters with regards to benches, Dale's Doormats would have almost an entirely different roster? They are currently carrying 6 RBs, 5 WRs, 2 QBs, 1 TE, 1 K and 1 D. Their 10-point win with the aforementioned pretty good Ricky Williams on the bench moved DD into a 5-way tie for 3rd place at 2 up and 2 down.

"What's the score?" "Nothin' - nothin'" "Who's winning?" "The Bears" Might be time to tweak that Draft Dominator T&K. Understand Miles Austin is on a bye this week, and Jamaal Charles. But Matty Ice and Vince Young are not leading anyone to the playoffs, much less a team featuring not one but two Raiders' WRs.

"One, you can never go too far, and two, if I'm gonna get busted it's not gonna be by a guy like him." Brad Gradkowski? Really? He lead the defending champion Red Bandits to their first win of the year? Even with San Diego D and their 27 points on the bench? (Who does Arizona play next?)

"He jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern this student body" "Well he makes you look like an a** is what he does." Now fortunately for Natural Disaster, the game against Tim & Kumar was already in hand going into last night's game, but when you trade the #1 RB in the league, you expect to get some value in return right? Well, you might unless you traded for Randy Moss instead of Anquan Boldin (as was originally offered by Brokerage).

"Does anyone know the answer? Anyone? Anyone?" The question of course is, 'who put up the second fewest points in the league and still won this week?' Due to a very alert pick-up of the Law Firm two weeks ago, No I in I/T sneaked out a 58-56 victory in a game that imitated real life - featuring Eagles QBs vs Redskins QBs. Interesting no? No?

"Abe Froehman? The Sausage King of Chicago?" Has to be Jay Cutler and Semi-P. You know it hurts when previously top-ranked fantasy QB Cutler gets out-scored 30-4 by Shaun Hill, who was cut in the off-season by the 0-4 49ers and picked up as the back-up of the Lions.

"He's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend'sbrother's girlfriend heard from thisguy who knows this kid who's goingwith a girl who saw Ferris pass-outat 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious." Well I don't know about passing out at 31 Flavors, but when Vick got crunched it did look pretty serious. In any case, it KOed the Wombats' chances of getting a share of first place, as well as the Eagles'.

"Adamly? Adamowski? Adams? Adamson? Beuhler? ...Beuhler? ...Beuhler? ... Frye?" Last week Team Gump's backups scored 96, this week their entire team was playing hookey. Peyton's 352 yards and 2 TDs weren't even enough for the Colts to beat the Jags much less help the Gumpsters beat the Bandits. One last question: how on earth did Bills QBs get 24 points this week? One last last question - how does Ben Stein have three of the top 14 quotes from that movie? And I didn't even give you the Smoot-Hartley Tariff...