I don't watch a lot of TV and most of what I watch is on DVR so I can skip through the ads. But for whatever reason, I caught the latest GEICO ad and am I ever glad I did! There are not many ads that make me laugh even once, much less multiple time, but this one doesn't get old, it just gets funnier. I believe we have a new designation for the team that wins high points for the week:
Henceforth, that team will be said to be "Getting Some Cold Cuts Today!" That team in week three is TBD, who appear to be in a two-team race with Dale's Doormats for the Wilt Scoring Title. Having Nick Foles get into a shootout with Kirk Cousins is not something I thought I'd be excited about this season, or really ever, but that was an excellent football game, complete with bench-clearing brawl. Of concern going forward for TBD is the fact that Frank "the Riddler" may have finally been relegated to #2 RB in San Francisco and whatever happened to Drew Brees, because Jimmy Graham is looking crackers these days.
Not to be outdone, we have Dale's Doormats who get the Charlie Daniels "That's How You Do It Son" award for second-most points this week behind Andrew "Luck is Clutch" and Knile Davis, alertly benching Montee Ball against Seattle. Teddy Bridgewater bears watching as a backup QB this year, and Bishop Sankey finally got some Papal Dispensation to get off the bench for the Titans. Of concern for the Doormats is Dennis Pitta's injury, but allayed by KC's 2nd year player Travis Kelce.
Since we're on a commercial theme, we'll keep counting them down, with Team Brokerage coming in third for the week with 98.7 points, despite the last-minute substitution of Tannehill over Romo, which still puzzles us, yes it does, Precious. Still, Maclin, Garcon and Forte with Bengals D makes a tough lineup, along with depth that includes Ahmad Bradshaw (14 points), Taliaferro (15) and Victor Cruz (16) not to mention Josh Gordon waiting ever so patiently for Week 11 and DeAngelo Williams and Doug Martin due back from injury in week 4. You have to trust that they're going to get healthy and that they're going to get decent QB play, and with Romo, really, what could go wrong?
#4 on the points list for this week we find 2-1 Camel Jockeys, featuring a rather unlikely combo of Cutler, Crowell, Stacy, Dancin' Dan Bailey, Jordy Nelson, Antonio Brown and Delanie Walker, the last three being the core of the team. Their three QBs (CHI, ARI and NYJ) all were within 2 points of each other, firmly mediocre. But as the saying goes, there's nothing like bringing in a herd, and there is nothing like bringing your team to the Enchilada Playoffs. Steven Jackson, Reggie Wayne and Bernard Pierce all figure to be viable pieces before too long. Could the Camel Jockey's long Enchilada drought finally end this season?
Just getting edged out for 5th most points this week is undefeated I in I/T, who got 50 points from Redskins QBs and Chicago D combined. One blessing last night was that Geno's big blunder occurred on the second play from scrimmage, saving me the torture of having to watch three hours of a Jets' game. The bad news for I/T is the Bears D doesn't play the Jets again this season, they feature Trent Richardson and Darren Sproles at RB and have to wait patiently to see what the heck is going to happen with Adrian "All Day" Peterson. You can point that arrow at 3-0 all you want, I'm not sure it's really pointed up.
There are 5 teams in the league at 1-2, including four in the Quakes Division. "Topping" the list is #6 scorer for the week, Natural Disaster, along with Team Gump, the Wombats, Pep and Cheez and the Fatties. When these teams grow up, they want to get to .500. They want to be brown nosers. They want to have a brown nose. You want someone pumping sunshine up your skirt, telling you it'll all be OK and you're going to make the playoffs after all? I think you've come to the wrong Watchdog.
Is Semi-Precious the worst 2-1 team in the league? Does Elmer Fudd have trouble with his "Rs"? What would you say if I told you that the LAST rated Fantasy QB in the entire NFL is named Tom Bwady? How about if I said the best player on one of the top defenses in the league (Gweg Hahdy for Cawolina) has also been indefinitely sucked into suspensionland? What about if I said that Cowadelle Pattason is a tewwible woute-wunner? Or that Wob Gwonkowki is over-weighted and injuwy-pwone? I have nothing against Phil Dawson though. Fine kickah.
Now, Marky Marc, Mike and the Mad Dog are clearly the best 2-1 team of the five, and with Peyton not having to play against Seattle again this year, they figure to win their share just based on that. Add in AJ Green, Michael Crabtree and passable RBs Chris Ivory and Pierre Thomas, Zack Ertz and Patriots' K and D and they could legitimately complain about putting up enough points to beat half the league this week, but were stuck going against TBD. In the immortal words of Elmer Fudd singing Joe Cocker, "Cwy me a Wiver".
And in keeping with the commercial theme, we have just two teams left - the 0-3 Hundering Turd and the 0-3 Steel Trojans. Who mugged these two teams? Who beat them silly and left them dazed the corner? The STDs alertly traded their best WR (V-Jax) for Phil "Cwy me a" Wivers, throwing in potential franchise QB Johnny Football for grins, saying "we need this to win this week". The trade did not work out as planned, at least for this week. They did alertly scoop up Alfred "Bubba" Blue and Brian "Witness the" Quick"ness", and Arian Foster figures to be back sooner rather than later. The Turd bench, featuring injured Odell Beckham and Vernon Davis, had 20 more points than their starters. Coach Ken seems to be in the wrong rhythm with Sammy Watkins, starting him in weeks 1 and 3 when he totaled 5 points and benching him in week 2's 17 point outbreak. Matty Ryan is the second-rated QB in the league and hasn't gotten off the bench yet. Between Alfred Morris, Blount, CJ2.0 and Carlos Hyde, things are not as bad as they seem for the Turd. Will they trade one of the QBs? If so, which one? Will either of these teams get into the win column next week? Will we ever find out? I wouldn't want to play either one in week four.
No comments:
Post a Comment