Watchdog Week 11

With the NFL celebrating our Armed Forces this month after last month's breast cancer awareness, I thought I might take a week to celebrate Veterans' Day and all that with some of my favorite war movie quotes. 

Lieutenant Sobel does not hate Easy Company, Private Randleman. He just hates you. - Dick Winters, Band of Brothers.  Hard to pick just one quote from that series.  But as with fantasy football, it is sometimes hard not to think that someone up there hates you.  With two weeks to go, there are just two playoff spots up for grabs, but there are five teams fighting for them.  Team Gump was the only one of the five to lose this week, but they still hold a 52-point edge and a half game lead on Dale's Doormats, and a 67-point lead on Team Brokerage.  The Turd nosed ahead by a game, but doesn't hold the lead in points against any of the other four teams, so they cannot afford to fall into a tie. 

"Are all American officers so ill-mannered?"  "Yeah, about 99 percent."  - The Great Escape.  So what do we know?  In the Canes Division, the Wombats, Mad Dogs and Trojans are locked into the three playoff spots.  The Mad Dogs continue to open up their lead in the Wilt Scoring Race, but seem unable to edge in front of the Wombats for the division lead.  Any one of the three of them could win the division.  So despite the fact they all lost, they all sewed up a playoff spot this week.  There is no need to be so polite, you three.  Feel free to start winning any time now.

There, I have you!  You're completely dished!  Do you not know that in the service...one must always choose the lesser of two weevils.  - Master and Commander.  And over in the Quakes Division, the Fatties are not quite locked in yet, holding a 2-game lead on Gump and Brokerage with two to play, but with only an 11-point margin on Gump and 78 on Brokerage.  It is theoretically possible for them to miss the playoffs, but this odd-maker has them winning the division.  TBD stayed alive, though in sixth place in the division.  They're just one game out with two to play, but need to win both their remaining games and get as much help as the Carpathia gave to the Titanic.  So the Fatties are pretty well set, with games left against Semi-P and the Wombats, they've scored less than 85 points just once in the last 9 weeks.  They have Stafford, Charles, Lacy, Rice, DeSean Jackson, Vincent Jackson, Brandon Marshall, Brent Celek, KC D (who they alertly benched this week in favor of --- Tampa Bay?  And it worked with a 13-point margin!) and even Garrett Graham who put up 19 as a back-up TE this week. 

I'd say, "This is an excellent mission, sir, with an extremely valuable objective, sir, worthy of my best efforts, sir. Moreover... I feel heartfelt sorrow for the mother of Private James Ryan and am willing to lay down my life and the lives of my men - especially you, Reiben - to ease her suffering."  - Saving Private Ryan.  Dale's Doormats are a half-game out, which in many ways leaves them a game out, but if they win both, they only need Gump and Brokerage to each go 1-1 in their last two.  Brokerage plays the STDs and Funky Dogs, so they have their work cut out for them. Gump plays the Wombats and STDs, so they too may leave the door open for someone else.  Dale, meanwhile plays Pep and Cheese and There Is an I in I/T, who have apparently run up the white flag on the season, neglecting even to put in a starting Tight End who was not on a bye this week.  Not that it would have made a difference against the mighty Turd.  The Doormats are not nearly so loaded, relying on Nick Foles, Chris Ivory, Antonio Brown, Victor Cruz and Delanie Walker, along with DeMarco Murray, who was on a bye this week. 

Oh, yes, and one more thing, dear Lord, about our enemies, ignore their heathen prayers and help us blow those little bastards straight to Hell. Amen.  - We Were Soldiers.  The Turd has scored over 77 just once in the least 6 weeks (putting up 91 in week 9, a game they lost), but they are 3-3 in that time.  How are they in the playoff hunt?  Must be all that clean livin' and good prayin'.  However they did it, they have a one game lead on Gump and Brokerage with two to play.  The Turd could win the division or miss the playoffs.  They play the Camel Jockeys and Semi-P, both beatable, but both continuing to put up maximum effort.  The Camel Jockeys alertly scooped up Charles Clay, cut by Natural Disaster.  Clay has totaled 14 points in his previous four games, but went for 90 yards and a TD for his second-best game of his career.  Had the Jockeys actually had Clay in over dinged-up Vernon Davis, they'd have up-ended the Fatties, who finally gave up on Ray Rice, trading a first-round pick for Jamaal Charles, only to watch Rice go for 131 yards and a TD in the tornado-infested game against the Bears. 

Stalag 17, one of the best of the old war movies:  My wife says, "Darling, you won't believe it, but I found the most adorable baby on our doorstep and I've decided to keep it for our very own. Now you won't believe it, but it's got exactly my eyes and nose." Why does she keep saying I won't believe it? I believe it! I believe it.  If Team Gump misses the playoffs this year, they'll look back on this week and wonder how they ever lost to Semi-P.  Now Semi-P put up a legit 87, with 11 points each from Jordy Nelson, Andre Johnson, Gronk and Robbie Gould, plus 16 from Seattle D.  They even left Michael Floyd's 25 on the bench.  The Gumpster-divers would have had to pitch a perfect game to win this one.  Luck ran out of... gas.  Moreno somehow left both rushing TDs to Montee Ball in the Denver-KC tilt.  KC QB was worth 8 more than Luck.  Maybe you make that call figuring Denver was going to score a bunch and Smith would have to pass to keep up?  But it is hard to bench your best players.  And you could argue for starting Larry Fitzgerald against Jacksonville over Torrey Smith against the Bears.  Had they done both those moves, they'd have edged Semi-P.  With the second-most points in the division, they hold the tie-breaker against all the other four teams they are battling with.  But they need to win at least one and get help, or get two wins and put the matter to rest. 

Captain, it is I, Ensign Pulver, and I just threw your stinkin' palm tree overboard! Now what's all this crud about no movie tonight?  - from Mr. Roberts, when Ensign Pulver finally grows a pair, another classic.  Brokerage, after weeks of carrying four or five stiffs at QB, finally grew a pair, trading exciting rookie Andre Ellington to the Disasters for Russell Wilson, only to have the trade nearly cost them their game against the Wombats, and by extension, their entire season.  Wilson was OK, going for 22 points, but Carson Palmer put up 419 yards and 2 TDs for a 28-point game.  I'm sure Coach Lubert would have liked to have the extra 6 points going into last night's game, with the Wombats having Danny "Ooh My Groin" Amendola as the only active player left.  But DOMGA came up with only 4 points and the Wombats fell four short.  Of course, benching Giants D against Scott "JRR" Tolzien in favor of the Colts D may have been a mistake.  So Brokerage has to endure the Seahawks' bye week now and has almost no margin for error.

For the rest of us, I have only this quote from the Sands of Iwo Jima:  "Life is tough.  It's even tougher when you're stupid."  So I've been told.