Watchdog Week 10.5 - the Smell of Fear

It's a curious thing to have as much power as the Watchdog does.  You have to use it carefully.  Or perhaps my faithful readers should take into account the fact that these comments are being made from a coach that has been fired (though kept on as GM) and owner of a team that is now 3-7.  But I regress.  With great power comes great responsibility.  For instance, one might infer from my comment last week:

"How bad is Ingram?  His one point this weekend brings his season total to 4.  Last year he managed 91 total points and his rookie year he had 81.  He's had 10 starts in nearly three seasons."

that Mark Ingram is a bum and not worth starting, having on your fantasy team, NFL team or allowing him to go to the same church as you.  But of course nothing could be further from the truth!  And any comments made by "the other Coach Ingrey" about why he benched Ingram have no bearing in fact and it is a complete coincidence that Ingram ran 14 times for 145 yards and a TD this week while on the Turd Bench.  Fortunately for the Turd, they did not trade Drew Brees (yet) this year and his 39 points was nearly enough to beat Pep and Cheez by himself.   And anyway, the Turd took their next step to lock up a playoff spot with all four teams behind them losing this week.

Or this comment from two weeks ago:

"So what does it look like when Superman loses his powers?  It was TBD who drubbed the Camel Jockeys, putting an end to their three game winning streak.  This they did despite more putrid play from Tom Brady, who, on a points per game basis is now the 31st best QB in our league, ahead of only Jacksonville."

So when Brady throws for 423 yards and 4 TDs (in week 9, the game after those "alleged comments") it's a complete coincidence and another narrow escape for the Watchdog as TBD again won anyway.  But TBD was not so fortunate this week, falling to the mighty Wombats with Brady on a bye, thus bombing their chances of bursting through to the Enchilada Bowl.

Or from the good news/bad news department of redundancy department:
"Auction purchase Dwayne Bowe was shut out for the second time this year and has just 38 points on the season, good for just 4.8 points per game, good for 72nd best in the league.  Maybe he'd better introduce himself to Alex Smith?"

So Pep and Cheez sees him get targeted 12 times in the week following that comment, but before you can say "hey, Watchdog can use his powers for good sometimes", note that Bowe was pulled over for speeding and possession earlier this week.  Maybe he was just giving the traditional Randy Moss "J" for effort?

Or can the Watchdog make an entire team disappear, like Joker made that pencil vanish?  We certainly tried to with Marky Marc and the Funky Dogs last week, and to some extent it did work - the Funky Dogs were just four points better than their second-lowest score of the season, and they needed a gift TD from AJ Green (who wasn't even trying on that last Hail Mary pass, but hey, if you're going to tip it right to him...) to even get that much.  It was enough for them to edge out the snake-bit Natural Disaster team this week, ending their ill-advised attempt at making a run at the Enchilada.  The Funky Dogs had put up 98 or more in four of their previous 5 games, though they were kind enough to leave Cincy and Carolina D on the bench in favor of Miami, as well as putting Decker in over Boykin. 

You also have the continued excellence of Calvin Johnson (now up to 85 points in the three games since being traded off the Disasters compared to 55 in the six weeks before the trade), which is not so mysterious, and of course the Wombats are ever-so-grateful that the Disasters gave up on the season and then decided not to and then re-gave up on the season.  But Riley Cooper, redneck racist and long-time mediocre wideout, had just 679 career yards receiving coming into this, his fourth year.  But ND picked him up after his 120-yard 1 TD game in week 6, then cut him after two meh games only to see him go for 241 yards and 5 TDs in the two weeks since being dropped.  That's right, the previous 8 weeks, Cooper totaled 314 yards and 2 TDs.  Of course, the Steel Trojans were alert enough to scoop up another dropped Disaster.  The STs also alertly scooped up Jordan Reed after the Disasterous cut of same just before his 134-yard 1 TD performance.  Given that they chose Charles Clay (2 points this week) over Reed (12) and lost by 2, that may have been a fateful cut.  Coach Feldman denied there was any systematic approach to picking up former Disaster(ous) players. 

Even traditional doormats Semi-Precious got in on the act this past week, trading Alshon Jeffrey (11 points this week) for Andre Brown (17 points), Kenny Stills (13 points) AND the Disasters' #4 pick in next year's draft.  What is surprising is that more teams aren't trying to trade with ND!  Semi-P used Brown to upend Team Brokerage who now have 5 team QBs, none of which scored more than 21 points this week and none of which are ranked over 21st in the league in fantasy points, and perhaps most importantly, none of which are former Disasters QBs. 

And although it didn't net them a win, the Camel Jockey's trade for Pierre Thomas (38 points in his last 3 games) was well worth a #4 pick for a team that had an outside chance at a playoff spot before dropping their last three games.  Where did they get such a bargain player?  Why, Natural Disaster, of course!

Meanwhile Dale's Doormats also have two run-ins with the Watchdog recently.  It was the Watchdog that praised Cincy QBs for their run of 3 straight 300+ yards and 3+ TD games, perhaps causing the Doormats to finally play Dalton over Eagles QBs in week 9, and thus missing out on Nick Foles' 7-TD performance and settling for a tie that essentially put them out of the running for the Enchilada.  Fortunately, they learned their lesson and got Foles right back in there - what?  Foles stayed on the bench?  Well, it only cost Dale 6 points this week and had no impact on the outcome of their matchup against the STs (why do I want to put a D in there after the T?).  Anyhoo, it was about a month ago that the Disasters tried to trade for bench player Marques Colston, but a deal could not be reached.  Colston went on to score a total of 3 points over his next four games before getting derailed (untracked) this week with 107 yards and a TD. 


There is an I in I/T has had, let me say it here, a disappointing year.  Leading the way in disappointment is the dynamic duo of Trent Richardson and Roddy White.  Richardson has just one game this year where he's averaged better than 3.6 yards per carry, and that a sterling 10 carries for 40 yards against San Diego.  Last year, bad as it was overall (3.6 yards per carry average for the season), at least he had 5 games with better than 4.0 ypc, and four of those better than 4.8.  Heck, he even had two 100+ yard games!  And he finished with 12 TDs overall.  So far this year, he's on a pace for under 700 yards and just 4 TDs, pro rating his stats out over the remainder of the season.  Nearly 1/3 of his carries have gone for 1 yards or less.  But before you say Indy's O-Line stinks, Donald Brown is averaging 5.9 yards per carry bhind that same line.  Meanwhile, there's $20 Auction WR Rowdy Roddy White, who has totaled 12 points through week 10 of the season, another player Natural Disaster tried to trade for weeks ago.  How bad is that?  Trindon Holliday has one catch for 7 yards this season and has the same number of fantasy points as White.  Justin Blackmon, who has more suspensions than TDs this season, has 34 more points than White.  The Jets have three different WRs with more than twice as many points... it's bad I'm saying.

So how with Team Brokerage's trade earlier today work out?  Trading for Russell Wilson and Case Keenum just as the Seahawks O-Line gets healthy?  Logic and everything above points to monster days for Wilson.  Will it be enough for Brokerage to cash in with a playoff spot?  They're one game behind Gump and the Turd with three to play and currently hold the tie-breaker on the Turd.  Brokerage does have three tough games remaining against the Wombats, STDs and Marky Marc and the Funky Dogs while the Turd has I/T, Camel Jockeys and Semi-P left, so they'll have their work cut out for them there.  Gump lays Semi-P this week, but then the Wombats and STDs, so if Brokerage can win out and get some help, they could just pull it off.  Given that all they gave up was Andre Ellington, it's a low-risk / high-reward move.  Will Brokerage get what they asked for?  Will they get a "dart gun" or ... something less useful?  Given that the Disasters gave up Wilson...

Team Gump, on the other hand, as somehow managed to avoid all trades with the Disasters.  They just keep winning the old-fashioned way, by backing into it with blind-ass luck.  Or at least Andrew Luck.  For instance, here is their #1 RB Knowshon Moreno, rushing yards by year starting with his rookie campaign:  947, 779, 179, 525.  In those four years, he's totaled 16 TDs.  This year, through 9 games, he has 521 yards and 8 TDs and is only 36 yards shy of his career high in receiving yards (336 currently).  Astute second-round pick?  Or lucky as hell?  Now Torry Smith, Demaryius Thomas, Julius Thomas and Larry Fitzgerald were all great picks.  But as was asked on draft day, would this team look better with Calvin Johnson as their #1 WR, as they could have done?  Or were they better off with Fitzgerald, Jason Witten (their #2 TE as it turned out) and SF D?  I could throw a bunch of stats at you to try to explain it, but that's way too much work.  The closest I can come to a trade with Disaster is that they turned down Marshawn Lynch for their #1 pick earlier this week.  Will that come back to haunt them or do they have enough firepower with the Law Firm and the Bowling Ball (Mike Tolbert) at RB2?  Good ol' Rock.  Can't beat the Rock.

Perhaps the Watchdog's most infamous entry, going back further in history, is the "Eli's Restaurant Massacre" from 2007.  The Thanksgiving installment of the Watchdog that year focused on the lost cause that Eli was (or seemed) at that point, having just given away a game to the Vikings with four pick-sixes (technically three pick-sixes and one that was returned to the Giants' 8 and saw the Vikings score on the next play).  That, of course, was days before Eli and the Giants went on a tear that culminated in the ending of the Patriots' near-perfect season in the Super Bowl.  Curiously, here we are 6 years later and Eli has regressed back into that pre-Massacre QB.  For the third time in his career he is leading the league in interceptions.  His yards per attempt is tied for a career low of 5.5 with that 2007 year.  He is, for the first time in his illustrious career, on a pace for more INTs than TDs.  He is on pace to threaten the career INT numbers of Brett Favre if he plays long enough, and given that he is never injured, that seems likely.  And if you think I'm trying to put the old reverse-jinx on him in order to get the Giants playing well enough to make the playoffs this year... you may be onto something.

Now you might be thinking, hey if you run your yapper as much as the Watchdog does, you're bound to say something relevant, positive or negative sooner or later.  True enough!  Or as Samuel Twain (Shania's great-grandfather) once put it, "it is better to remain silent and be thought a Watchdog than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."