Who will watch the Watchdog?

Joe Morganstern, ace movie reviewer of the Wall Street Journal, described the movie "The Watchmen" as akin to "getting whacked in the head with a blunt object for 2 and a half hours." Some might refer to reading the Watchdog with similar sentiments. "Who will read the Watchdog?" might be a more appropriate question. Nevertheless, the question remains - does the Watchdog get to just howl at the moon without anyone throwing cold water on the poor mutt? Well today, we're going to go for full accountability.


Last week's pre-season analysis, vague as it was, seemed to indicate the Fatties, E-Head, Sprockets and Gumpsters were the teams to beat. It seems the Dog was half right - E-Head and Fatties were indeed beaten, putting up nary a whimper in protest.

The Fatties, widely regarded as having the best QB/RB trio in the league got a nice run of 46 points from those 3, but just 9 points from their other 5 starters. Turns out you do need receivers, tight ends and even a kicker in this league!

E-Head, however, got that message and then some - getting 42 of their 68 points from those positions, but just 26 from Old Man Rivers, the two Steves (Jackson & Slaton), as well as Weekend at Bernie Barrian. Who'd have thought Rivers was the wrong QB play, facing the Raiders?

The Gumpsters did in fact look decent, as Adrian "AD" Peterson will help make anyone look pretty good. The good news for the rest of us is the Vikings don't play Cleveland again this year. The bad news is, I'm not sure it'll matter. Chances are Peyton Manning will throw for more than 1 TD per game too.

The Turd got more from Drew Brees than from the rest of their starting line-up. Again, the good news here is that the Saints don't play Detroit again this season. I may be going out on a limb here with a saw, but I have to say I feel confident that Brees will slacken off his pace for 96 TD passes this season.

As the great comedian once said, "It's better to look good than to feel good." Dale's Doormats are certainly looking good with a solid all-around effort - 5 starters with at least 12 points. But look a little deeper at Jay Cutler's Bears' debut and something smells a bit off. By the way, was anyone else surprised at how many chins a 26-year old star quarterback has? No, not Chinese phonebook level, but still...

For the Bandits, things actually went according to the Watchdog's script. Tomlinson got hurt, TO complaining in week one, but a deep team that still has a chance. It's funny though, I thought Rodgers played a lot better than 184 yards and one TD. TO looked like he was in midseason form at his press conference yesterday, saying the Bills "missed a lot of opportunities". Hmmm - I wonder which opportunities he meant?

Meanwhile, I thought Warner played much worse than 288 yards and 1 TD. But the Sprockets did have Santonio Banderas Holmes and Kate Winslow Jr.

No, Brokerage, you do not get any points for Brandon Marshall tipping the ball to Stokely. Keep in mind when setting this week's starting lineup that the Eagles' D does not face Jake Delhomme again this week. May not repeat last week's 5 INT, 5 Sack, Defensive TD performance. Don't say I didn't warn you!

T&K got 49 points from Seattle QB and Orange Julius - yes the Hawks do play the Rams again this year, but only one more time. Meanwhile, they got a total of 4 points from their kicker and D and due to expert management, they have no back-up at either position.

What would you say about a team who had their highest scorer for week one leave the game with cracked ribs? Such is the plight of Pep & Cheez. Add a little knee twist to Anthony Gonzalez, Pierre Thomas not ready for week one and Anquan Boldin getting 1 point and suddenly the Pizza Boyz might be scrambling to get that Enchilada. Sounds like the change at the top has led to a certain consistency in effort...

Wombats put up excellent scores this week but with a grain of salt - their winning margin came from a) Jeremy Shockey getting his first two scores in more than 2 years, and/or b) the Bungles playing volleyball, allowing Kyle Orton to claim the record for longest winning TD-pass in the final minute of a game in NFL history. Kyle Orton?

Let's see, you draft two great WRs, the best TE in league history, a good kicker, a top 5 D and sprinkle in a few RBs that occassionally have good weeks... Sometimes it's not terribly difficult - kinda like shooting Fish?

When your QBs are both from Ohio, neither of your RBs led his team in rushing and your one kicker plays on the only team in the NFL not to score in week one...

Right Semi-P?

So if the Mayhem has a good season this year, will more people complain about the talent dump they did last year? Will more people copy what they did? Or some of each?!!?! That said, when 53 points comes from Tony Romo's career best day and an unknown Tight End getting 2 TDs, getting a repeat performance will be the trick.

One last thought on predictions....