Watchdog Salutes Real Men of Genius

The Watchdog Salutes Real Men of Genius

With 13 of the 14 teams at either 2-1 or 1-2, it's time for the Watchdog to earn his pay and help you separate the Real Men of Genius from the just plain Real Men. Sorry for all the links - I'd have just put pictures in but there weren't any. Hope you enjoy the shmorgasbord.

First up has to be the Mighty E-Head - my all time favorite - Mr. Footlong Hotdog Inventor. Sure, they're just 1-2, but they feature Steve Sluton, Antonio "Hot" Gates, and Neil "Big" Rackers. If only they had Reggie Bush, or at least Michael. Maybe next year! But thanks, Mr. Footlong Hotdog Inventor, for giving us all a bigger weiner. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PotxdkKx-tA&feature=PlayList&p=DCFE5C2BF4569FE0&index=2

Semi-P is next up - Mr. Way Too Proud of Texas Guy. With a new stadium that is 3 times as big as the Meadowlands, yet half as loud, and featuring a team of three Cowboys and no Texans, strangely a team that had just one player score more than 17 points on the whole roster this week, and they hold the longest winning streak in the league. Proving (I guess) that you just don't mess with Texas. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apMyjOAacyA&feature=PlayList&p=DCFE5C2BF4569FE0&index=15

Electric Mayhem is Mr. Pro Sports Heckler Guy. Those who can't coach sit 30 rows back with no shirt. That's right m*****-f*****. And while Semi-P had only one player score more than 17, Mayhem had just one score more than 12. So while there's no I in team, there's certainly and F and a U. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4x0MbVYVE2A&feature=PlayList&p=DCFE5C2BF4569FE0&index=23

Pep & Cheez - Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer. Sweet mercy, some one crack open a window. After really stinking the joint up in the first two weeks (a total of 93 points in 2 weeks), Pep & Cheez dumped all over us with a high points for week 3 proving that the one you never hear coming is always the one that sends you running for the door weeping. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEYInUvLalQ

Tim & Kumar: Mr. Really Bad Toupee Wearer - Yes, they have five potential Pro Bowl Wide Receivers, but somehow they're not able to comb those over the Cadillac Williams, Seneca Wallace/Chad Henne expanse of their bald lineup. I mean it couldn't look worse if it had a chin-strap. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOgQcyklEBc&feature=related

Sprockets - Mr. Pro Wrestling Wardrobe Designer - While lesser managers would shy away from putting LeRon "Die Hard" McClain with Fragile Fred Taylor, while many would shudder to have Tampa Bay QBs on their roster, while basic decency would compel a normal person from putting 300-pound men into spandex , pairing leather boots and thongs, tights and a cape. But Feldman has no such qualms. Clinton "Parliament Funk" Portis and Chris "Lightning" Johnson: a very understated way of saying they're going to tear our heads off and look fabulous doing it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCK5l9euX_o&feature=related

Team Gump - Mr. Tiny Thong Bikini Wearer - Sometimes it pays to have a little here and a little there right? Like having Adrian Peterson AND Peyton Manning on the same team. Just know that if you weren't wearing that, we'd ask you to take a bow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7c_ceCOQZg&feature=related

Hundering Turd - Mr. Athletic Groin Protector Inventor - Just 2 points from remaining undefeated on the season, they say "here, stick this in your pants." With "Summer" Brees, Big Man Jacobs and Steve Breaston (no nickname necessary), we're just nuts about you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjHvHjczdGc&feature=related

Brokerage - Mr. Male Football Cheerleader - I did mention that one team has yet to get off the schnide this season. Knock 'em back all the way to Hackensack. You may not score a touchdown, but you're peppy and that's gotta count for something. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmC4LqJxTJY&feature=related

Dale's Doormats - Mr. Overly Competitive Touch Football Player - their back-ups could have beaten ten of the starting lineups this week. You wanna make somethin' of it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgnS9bmP_qw&NR=1

Red Bandits - Mr. Really Really Bad Dancer Guy - Their 4 RBs combined to score 5 points this week. Talk about busting a move. You're either dancing or you have fleas. TO is held without a catch for the first time in 185 games. Somehow, I think, not the last time this season though. Is that all you got playa? Who's in the house? Some guy who can't dance, that's who. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFfq6J-rKns

Fatties - Mr. All You Can Eat Buffet Inventor - pre-season #1 by almost every poll. If there's beef, they'll chip it! The Fatties are definitely taking a different approach so far this year - putting together a team that SHOULD be fully satisfying, with Forte and DeAngelo Williams - but in fact looks bloated and teetering off to the rest room. They are now dead last in points scored on the season. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHNt9rXSsTM

Fish - Mr. Push-up Bra Inventor - never before has one team done so much with so little. A team basically constructed of Matt Schaub, a couple of wide receivers and Ryan Longwell is now 2-1 and just 20 points out of the lead in the Points Race. "Va Va Voom!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUCE2XYF8vI

Wombats - Mr. Handlebar Mustache Wearer - Klye Orton and Jake Delhomme are your starting QBs? Heaven knows we wouldn't be caught dead in one, but it looks good on you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M48av7BiCMs

I couldn't find my other all-time favorite - Mr. Giant Foam Finger Inventor Man. Besides, they only make one kind of Giant Foam Finger. Anyway, you guys already know what number you are.